Why we do the things we do...

We are coming home later today, WOOHOO. (it is currently 2:29 am and I am in my 1-4:30 insomnia world. Ahhh, Mr. Sandman, where art thou?????)

We are bringing with us Sloan's best friend since Kindergarten. They have been close for years but have recently begun to notice the differences in how they are raised. SERIOUS differences. It has been tough for Jeff and I to figure our way through their friendship as they've begun to grow up but Sloan led her to Christ a few years ago and she has loved us like a second set of parents and we have loved her like our own. So since she is staying with us for a week or more, we had to lay some ground rules. They are at "that age" and our families do things very differently. So through some emailing we opened up some really neat conversation...I shared a bit of why we do what we do here in one excerpt from an email to her. I had given her some do's and don'ts in our home since she'll be with us for some time and she SO sweetly emailed me back that she would do her best to "obey every rule". Well, that of course broke my heart as that wasn't quite how I meant it...as a list of "rules". Legalism be gone! So, like we do with our own girls day in and day out of every day of their life, instead of just saying "not allowed" I wrote to her some basic "why's" of why we do and don't. You cannot just tell a child "no" when trying to keep their heart and dissuade them from worldly temptation, you must give them the meat behind it! Please be praying for this visit. She is such a wonderful girl and I am sure most of you will meet her!



You poor thing! I guess it DOES sound like a list of rules, doesn't it? Allow me to explain a little further though.These truly are not "rules' but rather, convictions of the heart. The girls are never MADE to do anything but rather are taught what is right and wrong and then choose themselves. Sometimes they choose wrongly. Mostly they choose rightly. Sometimes they come to us and ask our opinion because they know we are wise counsel that means to protect them and teach them. On these items let me give you the background of WHY instead of just the "not allowed". I should have given this to you before, sorry.

*The girls do not wear any makeup so we ask that you also do not.
The word "countenance" means appearance of the face, meaning here, the Christian girl's face of innocence. When one covers one's face in paint, you cannot see one's countenance. The face, eyes and smile of anyone (but here we speak of our Christian daughters) show the "countenance" of their very spirit! The face of their spirit! So we do not cover it. Do we take a great masterpiece of Van Gogh's or Monet's and put ribbons and bows all over it to dress it up? No! Nor do we cover the great beauty that is inside each girl by overly painting one's face. Don't get me wrong. We will allow the girl's to wear makeup. Slowly, with supervision but NEVER so that it is overly noticed. (Sloan likes to wear under eye coverup because she has dark circles) But one should never look upon a young maiden and notice her MAKEUP instead of her COUNTENANCE. You can also cover up your countenance with a scowl, bad attitude or complaining mouth.

*The girls do not wear any mini-skirts or skirts that do not go past the knees.The girls wear no shirts that show any chest area at all...(this means NO cleavage!) Lol
This I could talk on forever but modesty is a oft spoken of tenet of the Bible. You do not show or flaunt anything that belongs only to the eyes of your future husband. You can cause lustful thoughts in boys (and more disgustingly; men) by wearing immodest clothing and that is outright sin because God's Word says you should "do no thing that causes your brother to stumble". Men fight lustful thoughts enough already with the worlds saturation of sex in the media and exploitation of women. It also puts you in potential danger as a young girl. Your innocence attracts the right kind of boy. Your provocativeness attracts the wrong kind.

*The girls normally wear skirts or dresses if we leave the house though this is not 100% of the time.
Now, this may be harder to understand...but then again, maybe not. Even clothing that is modest but TRENDY attracts the wrong kind of attention. Even from other girls. What do we do when we see a girl in a cute outfit? We say, "What a cute outfit!" We do NOT say, "look at that girl's countenance!" If we wear clothing at all to attract attention TO THE CLOTHING, then we are wearing the wrong clothing. There is nothing WRONG with pretty clothes. I LOVE pretty clothes. But I am convicted more and more that nothing should detract from our countenance. I would much more prefer someone to notice what a beautiful spirit my daughter has then that cute outfit. Wouldn't you rather be noticed that way? We are called as Christians to be sanctified which means set apart. We will not fit in with the crowd. We will not look the same. We shouldn't. Others will be attracted to us because they see the light shining from our spirit not the shine off our lip gloss.

*We ask that you do not call or talk to any boys on this trip as well.
Now, our families do this differently Kelsie and that is okay! But I want you to know WHY we teach our girl's the dangers of dating. I have a WONDERFUL WONDERFUL book on this if you are interested. You let me know, and I will send one to you. But the BASIC idea is why you are not bringing your WHOLE self to your husband. Any piece of yourself that you give away to a boyfriend, be it physically, spiritually or emotionally is a piece you have robbed from your husband. There are wonderful marriages out there Kels. Based on love, trust and purity. We don't want our girls to bring only a broken picture of themselves into marriage, but the whole beautiful thing. It is called defrauding. Boys and girls literally STEAL what does NOT belong to them when they date before marriage. If you were really hungry and someone set a big delicious juicy hamburger in front of you, you'd be like, YUM. But what if someone had eaten half of it and it was all sloppy and well, you know what a hamburger can look like after it's half eaten! Lol Your stomach would turn a bit. You'd still be hungry, you still might realize it would taste okay but you would KNOW it wasn't complete. And that it was a little well, used. Yucky. So the girls are taught these principles in depth and understand them and have adopted them as their own. We will never have to say "You're not allowed" because they won't want to to begin with. They want to bring their whole selves to their marriage. Going out and breaking up is like practicing for marriage and divorce over and over. It is not God's plan for your life, and I cannot support you doing it in our home.

I am praying for and excited that the Lord could use this visit to positively impact this young girl. Really now, if you've truly read this far then know that I realize we all do things differently and I am not trying to say right or wrong for YOU just for US. SO, hopefully no debate in the comment section, Lol. But we are coming up in whole new arena with Sloan's age and it is so beautiful and exciting. She and I were just talking about how exciting it is to look forward... being future minded and not now minded. That it was so exciting and comforting that it would be a team effort to choose husbands for the girls and that she recently learned (through this book) that she did not have to worry AT ALL about it, or when or how it was going to happen. That right now her job was to further the kingdom instead of concentrate on the attention of boys. Can we all say WOOHOO????
We pray for ALL girls (and boys) that they can be taught the Truth of God's Word when it comes to practical life and marriage. I am sure more posts will ensue on these things...