My life is not my own...

Well, I imagine the posting will be a little quieter these next few weeks as we all prepare and bustle around for the holidays. I have processed through a VERY emotional thing these past few days... it took me a few days to really figure it out and then process it but whew, I think I did.

Living here in this beautiful town and around the women whom I have come to love like family, has been transforming to say the least. But recently I have come to the difficult reality that I cannot regain time that I have lost due to wrong upbringing. I cannot "take up" every thing that I expose the kids to. I do not have the skill set I could have had in the home but my daughters have the opportunity to and need to have every advantage thereof.

Sewing is an excellent example. I am not a seamstress nor am I a quilter. I do not have the time to learn to do this right now if I want my children to learn the skill set. It takes a tremendous amount of time, money and effort to become accomplished at anything that you cannot teach yourself and my own interests are taking up too much of it. I think it good and right to have your own interests. To be sure! But---not at the expense of what the kids should be getting. If I had not done the quilt, Sloan's would be finished. If Sloan had not done hers, mine would. So whose should give? Mine, of course. It is my responsibility and HONOR to sacrifice my own unrealized skill sets for now, so that I can properly facilitate the building of theirs.

Please note that I am saying "for now"...when there is time, I can do all I want to do but for now I have no "extra" time for goodness sake. My calling is to teach them. My kids are spaced apart further than most and it is a tremendous undertaking to school them properly. I need consistency in this and am going to put a call out to the group for an accountability partner.

Perhaps if I was more satisfied with how school was going I would feel freer to do some other things, but really, what I need to be doing is building THEIR skill sets, not my own. My mother had that responsibility and squandered it and I must not squander my own daughter's by trying to regain my own lost opportunities.

I must take up the honorable cross of self sacrifice (NOT martyrdom either) and let my daughters SOAR on behalf of all women who are pioneers in their own families by being the first to raise their daughters to be keepers at home.

So you fine ladies help me get this quilt done (please, lol) and then I shall pass the baton on to my own darling ladies. I feel relieved too. I have much to learn in order to teach my girls well. I have to relearn a lot still and have to keep studying in order to keep teaching. I need to spend all my extra time in the Word! Growing and gleaning and passing on gems of LIFE to my girls and leave the passing on of the gems of homemaking skills to those who are able.

I also simply cannot forego spending time with other ladies whom I need in order to press on. Fellowship is VITAL. Especially for me or I tend to super isolate. So there are lots of opportunities for me to do things that are profitable and for me without it taking MONTHS to accomplish!

That's it for now....