Well, here's some fodder for thought. (Wait, don't you CHEW fodder? I mean not YOU but the universal cow you?) Wait, that's cud. Hold on a sec...
Ok, online dictionary says:
fod·der n.
1. Feed for livestock, especially coarsely chopped hay or straw.
2. Raw material, as for artistic creation.
3. A consumable, often inferior item or resource that is in demand and usually abundant supply: romantic novels intended as fodder for the pulp fiction market.
Hmph. My blog posts most likely resemble number three most times...(the "inferior" and "abundant" part, not the "in demand" part)
so here's some more uh, food for thought....that sounds pretty good.
Ok! Ok! I'm getting to it!
The controlling woman...Ha HA!! Worth the wait was it?
I have dealt with my whole life (ok, you know what I mean, the last 15 years) with the unmistakable position of being an extrovert married to an introvert and attending the Southern Baptist Church. For those of you who don't know what that means, it means that I get the unenviable position of being misconstrued. And often. It is most likely always my own fault. But not because I am in control of the home but because I'm what you might call a..hmm, well- a power communicator. I love to talk it out. But find few in my circles who want to do that. And certainly not with the WIFE. Lol
I once read that a quality of one with my personality type is that I loved to argue and that if I couldn't find someone to argue with, I'd argue with myself.
Flattering eh? But true I'm afraid. Well, debate is what I like to do, NOT argue.
So, inevitably I end up trying to communicate too much and thereby become misunderstood. Belonging to the Southern Baptist Church doesn't help this much. Believing WHOLEHEARTEDLY with the patriarchal vision and truth of God's Word mandating that the husband be head of the home, the church looks down upon not strong women, but controlling ones. And not looks down upon the women per se, if they are a true example of church, but rather looks down upon that sin and lovingly brings correction.
I do find myself in some sort of quandary from time to time because I can speak! It would be less noticed if my dh was as extroverted as I am.
So perhaps this is another tool that the Lord will use to keep an already extroverted gal from becoming TOO extroverted and thereby slipping down that slippery slope of sin...or perhaps I will simply be misunderstood for life. There could be worse things.
My marriage is one of equality with our roles clearly defined. J PUTS his foot down if needs be and I straighten right up. But mostly we work together, in submission to each other; He the Pres, I, the Vice and he is one great boss let me tell you. We are a privately owned marriage by the Great I AM.
My one great weakness is that I DON'T want to be misunderstood which stems from the great sin of pride, I'm afraid. Sometimes being able to speak doesn't mean one SHOULD speak. I'm still working on that too.
But I am blessed and grateful that I know the difference and can take correction. I was just telling a dear friend that I ENJOY being disciplined. (no off color comments Crys! Lol) But really I do. The rod of correction in my life, accountability, rebuke, are welcomed here. It feels like I'm being, well, parented! Of course, that's because I AM being parented by the greatest parent of all. And the loving arms of discipline, as I tell my children, are a safe place to be!
So I confess and repent of my shortcomings and still stand strong in my conviction that I don't have to hide my personality. I've struggled with that for years and am finally getting comfortable in my own skin. I don't have to kneel on pencils in worry that I am overstepping my bounds. I simply must submit to the authority of God's Word, and live my life as an outpouring of my spirit.
I saw a bumper sticker today that said: "My religion is loving kindness."
A little new agey for me, but I can take some good from it. Too much Law and ye get legalism, too much freedom and ye get sin!
We must strike the perfect balance between Freedom in Christ and the Law.
That place is called heaven and until then, I strive to reach it.
Shalom ya'll.
11 comments:
I can't imagine a wife who pays more deference to her husband than you do. "Strong" woman and "controlling" woman are two different things. You're an amazing wife--Jeff would say so, I know, and that's all that really matters.
I agree... a woman can be quiet and still be manipulative. A woman can be very vocal yet very humble.
I love the line from My Big Fat Greek Wedding "The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants." LOL
The life and love between a husband and wife in Christ is lived before the Lord first. Submission to each other... that's it exactly.
PS... I do agree that when it comes down to the nitty-gritty... the husband takes the reigns. And I, for one, am very grateful for that!
I have so many comments that I don't even know where to begin........
I just read my list of hilarious comments to MY DAH and he made me erase them. It's a shame,too, 'cause they were gooduns! I'll just say, Steph, that you never cease to amaze me. I know that you write these things in all seriousness, but I JUST DON'T GET IT, YALL!
I don't even WANT to know what DAH stands for! Lol Maybe it was just a typo, but if not, don't tell me!
You don't get it because you suffer along with many others from the massive misconception that being in submission to your husband means controlling you, telling you what to do, making you do things you don't want to do, keeping your "free, independent spirit" DOWN. The world has been fed that line from the pit of hell since the inception of feminism. What the world has NOT been taught is the bigger mandate of men loving their wives the way Christ loves the church. Even saying that cannot remotely begin to explain what it means. Many Christian women suffer from the beginnings of the growing pains of getting into submission while their husbands are not yet growing into real, Godly leadership. Many Christian men think leadership means control. But a few of us lucky ones have the kind of husband that understands what EQUAL submission means. It means we both have a voice. It means that the man understands what it means to love us the way Christ loves the body of believers? How can any man accomplish that? THE WAY CHRIST LOVES THE BODY OF BELIEVERS.
That is a monumental order, one much larger than submission, if you ask me. But women are some powerful creatures. Even when the men TRY to lead, we shoot them down. It is a viscious cycle.
My point? To be dominating does not mean to be domineering. Jeff's gentle treatment of me leads me into submission. He LEADS me to love him and get into submission to him because he does not try to CONTROL me. That only makes me further want to be into submission to him! I hope you get this example" I smarted off to him a couple of times this afternoon to which he said NOTHING. I didn't really MEAN to, I just did. A few minutes later he said something he has NEVER said before, he said something and then added, "and get me a cup of coffee". He has NEVER said that before, Never even ASKED for one. (I always bring it) but he said , "get it." And in that one straightforward order, our roles were restored. He didn't call me on my disrespect. He just let me know who was who and what was what. I said, "yes, sir." and got it. Totally a performance example on both our parts. He doesn't "tell me" and I don't :yes sir" but the idea was the same. He didn't shame me or make me mad, he just well, turned me on by showing me who was boss! Get it?
Nope.
I saw some massive typos in my response, sorry! But aside from grammar, another point I'll make is that all this TOOK TIME. It does not come immediately for anyone. The way you and I were raised? Forget it! You have a difficult mission ahead...(if you choose to accept it.) BUT if we DO accept it, it means the generations ahead of us (my daughters, your sons) have a MUCH better chance at successful lives and marriages. Sometimes to get the process started, it takes OUR beginning to be who God called us to be...
Just saw you wrote, "nope" but that's okay!
I predict one day...you WILL!
For now, I LOVE YOU!!!
i thought fodder was fuel for a fire- guess I've been using that one wrong!
Nice comic relief Maris! I bet you have more thoughts though...
This post totally ROCKED! I LOVE reading what you share from your heart.
I do believe that one can be strong and controlling at the same time. You see, my mom was/is a strong and controlling woman. But it can also be separated. Clear as mud right!? LOL!
I was born in 1963. So women were becoming more assertive and feminism was on the rise. I was a submissive child because I wanted to please my parents. I would submit to those I loved because I didn't want to upset them. I struggled with the word submissive, until I became a Christian at 28. Then, I read a book called Every Woman's Dream The Intimate Husband. It's written for men, but I applied it to me. It really helped me to see what biblical submission was all about. Then a couple of years after that, I read, The Excellent Wife. It was the kind of book that, I could only read a little at a time, it was that convicting. But it was an AWESOME bible study.
I am by no means the excellent wife or the proverbs 31 woman. But I strive to be. I'm a work in progress. Perfect doesn't exist this side of heaven. Can you imagine how totally AWESOME it will be once we are with our heavenly Father?!
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