Labor Day

I had my tubal ligation reversal on labor day in September 05.

We got my tubes tied when I was still in the hospital with Lauren. Three kids. Tie tubes. No brainer, right?

A few years later and I get the little gnawing feeling. The inkling that I had done something terribly terribly wrong.

I had altered what God had created. Without permission.

Now, you may have your own thoughts on that. They may be true or they may be ridiculous , but here is my story.

I will never again be convinced that altering what God has created to not function as it was intended to will be the right action to take.

And so began the mourning of my fertility.
It was certainly like mourning the death of a well loved family member.
Except this was like mourning the deaths of many unborn family members.
Because that is what we had done. Cut off potential life.

I can remember looking back and asking HOW DID WE NOT PRAY ABOUT THIS?
That is really scary. And also why I never blamed anyone for it but myself.

I was TOTALLY sure at that moment that I would never want another child.
I can REMEMBER feeling sure. Remember feeling relieved.
What I can't remember was feeling deceived.
But I was.
Because it is not about what YOU want but it is about what GOD wants. In that moment I had done what I wanted instead of waiting on God to let me know what HE wanted.

And he let me know. In spades.

By the time I found Dr.Berger: http://www.tubal-reversal.net/
I was GUNG HO.

But my husband was just beginning his journey and it took another year to bring him around. Lol

What a great experience that surgery was. I told myself over and over that no matter what happened, that we were correcting a mistake that we had made and that was enough. That had to be enough.

But you know, I WANTED another baby. In the worst way. The way I imagine only a barren woman wants a baby.

We were instructed to skip my first cycle after the surgery which was HARD TO DO but we did.

And the next month?

You got it. Positive HPT. (that stands for home pregnancy test people) I learned a LOT of abbreviations through these months the funniest of which is CM. Once I was at the park with some homeschoolers and listening to them talk about "CM" and went running up thinking we were having a fertility conversation but they were really talking about CHARLOTTE MASON!!! Bwah ha ha I won't fill you in on what CM means in the fertility world for reasons of propriety)

Anyway, Kate was on the way and I had never been happier.

Add a move to Eustis to top it all off and two years and 3 miscarriages later, we have one happy, thankful Mom who knows that fertility is a gift not to be squandered.
There are yet ever present desires for more children and one day, who knows? But I am ever grateful that Kate was gifted to me. And really, I KNOW she was a gift. A 'gimme", as it were. I certainly didn't deserve her and missed many an opportunity for children during the "lost years" but God in his goodness, chose not to let me insanely go through the trials of infertility after my body was restored. So I can only be very very thankful, not just for Kate but for the wonderful lessons learned that I can now pass on to my own dear daughters.

Kate: The daughter that almost wasn't.

Sloan 9 lbs 14 oz natural
Rachel 10 lbs 12 oz natural with shoulder distosia. That was fun.
Lauren 8 lbs something. Can't remember. BLESSED epidural.
Kate can't remember weight at all, lol, no epi though I wanted one...great midwife.

and lastly.....Jeff Jr? Please Lord? Just-one-more....
Happy Labor Day!
(alright, and a shout out to the labor unions too I guess.)