I realized full force yesterday that we think we know each other and we don't. I mean, we really think we do but we really, really don't. I think you have to know someone for years and years until you even know them a little bit. But we think we know each other, we form opinions about people and get ideas about them and think they are "this way" or "that way" and guess what? 9 times out of 10 we are likely wrong.
I got this when listening to someone totally peg me wrong yesterday. It was typical. They did it so sweetly but I realized that through our blogs, small conversations, emails...that we all begin to PERCEIVE each other in a certain way. Normally NOT accurate.
So, now I realize for all of my trying to talk to people long enough, or in enough detail to show them the TRUTH of who I am instead of the misconception, that is not me who is being the things they may perceive me as. It might actually be actually THEM. So this is an interesting train of thought I am going through.
Why do we think we know each other? Why can't people just LOVE unconditionally without putting other people in a box with a label? Out of all the things people think I may be, one would NOT be putting people in boxes with labels. Yesterday I realized for the first time, that I am being judged much more harshly than others think I may be judging. It's funny really and comforting to know that my "big personality" causes a very strong opinion to be formed that is not true. Comforting to realize it can't be helped really. We all do it. And for those of you, if you're reading this, that may have held me at arm's length, I am sorry for our separation. I LIKE you! (no, I am NOT talking about any one person, I am talking about the universal you, which may or may not include you)
It's ironic and actually funny that I am so strongly convicted about some matters that seem to make people crazy for whatever reason and yet my even stronger belief in the truth of familial authority trumps any idea that someone may have of my saying they should be doing the thing too. YOU are the authority in your own home. I do not care if you do x, y, or z because YOU get to decide, not ME. I love your families with a power that is not my own, I am IN LOVE with people, not consumed with what they do or don't do. Why does it bug YOU that I believe x, y or z? Isn't that a judgement in itself? I don't preach it or teach it but it still comes through? Puhleeze, you ASK and I ANSWER. That's about it.
But anyway, I got thinking about this when this poor person went on completely wrong about me. I thought it was sad that they thought the thing about me....that they perceived me to be something I was not. But how do you undo something someone thinks in a 2 minutes of conversation? When they also formed an opinion in as much time? No matter, really. The important thing is that I keep on my own walk, reforming, reforming, until the day of Christ. Loving people, living my convictions, allowing them to be changed (anyone note Kate in nursery???? Insanity!).
But I won't pretend to know you...I will just really love you, just the way you are.
10 comments:
Well said Steph! One thing I appreciate about you is that you are not too proud to be willing to change and go a different direction, to admit when you are having problems, and you are right--people always ask you questions and put you on the spot. So far I haven't seen you stand on a table and start preaching or anything. You are a strong woman with strong convictions, God made you that way. Not everyone is going to like you or be comfortable but that doesn't change who God made you to be. Love you.
I have noticed people tend to put you on the spot. Well, I noticed it once but anyway, you have a good attitude about it all so good for you. I would probably be bitter. Well said, well said.
Thanks Tif, for making me feel like you KNOW me at least a bit! Lol
It's funny how people overlook the the things that would change their perspective like "being willing to change one's mind" (or having a teachable spirit) or the belief familial authroity thing.
Someone told me the other day that it is easier for people to think the way they think than to examine themselves and see if a change should be made. It rubs them wrong to see it being done differently and it working.
I don't know. I don't really get it. I see a LOT of the families around me doing it differently but having kids and marriages working out nicely. And then of course, there are those that are not. But they are much more willing to live and let live than the ones that are working out. Lol
Thanks Am. I don't mind being put on the spot as much as I mind being judged for the answer!
Contrary to popular belief, I am NOT in any way legalistic. Just ask Deb! LOL
yes ask MEEE!! ask meee!! Because I think I do know you..a bit!!;) and I love you unconditionally! and you could not find 2 more different personalities or lifestyles (even though its not completely by choice..) and yet we love and ACCEPT and ENCOURAGE eachother daily!! I get that people judge..but I don't get why!! I get that someone elses belief may make us wonder if we are on the right track..but isn't that what personal growth is all about?? and don't sometimes we examine and realise that our way is OK and working?? then just move on!!... its so easy! really..take it from a single..twice divorced (actually working really hard on the 2nd..LOL)..working mom.. you never know whats really going on..or why someone made the choice they did..Just accept them! Love them..learn from them..change if you need to or want to...don't if you know you shouldn't or don't want to...and let it go! :)
okay Steph... I started reading this and immediately went to our conversation yesterday... sheesh! You know, when something is stated definitely, like a REAL belief in Christ, people can get uptight and it puts them on the offense or possibly the defense. But Christ is who He is whether someone acknowledges Him as Savior or not. When it comes to convictions among believers with other believers, Paul says to be definite about yours and not to cause a brother to stumble. I love Romans 14, it was our last chapter study and if I were a braver person, I would totally blog about what was discussed in that ladies group lesson... "maturity" levels amongst believers always makes for interesting conversations.
Lol, it wasn't you Cheryl. I don't even REMEMBER our conversation from yesterday. WHAT were we talking about? If it's bad, don't post it here!:) But if not, refresh my memory! No worries.
Maturity level, UGH! I prefer to say at different places on the same road!
but you KNOW, of course, I HAD to rethink what I said! LOL
This post seems kind of sad to me. And believe me we all interpret things from the written word differntly.
But to say we don't know each other? Maybe not all of us, but our close friends I would like to say have a pretty good knowledge of us. From observing, talking, and just sharing life.
Of course their is no way we open up all of our lives to friends. We try and hide our dirty laundry and innermost sides, but time does unravel people, for good or bad.
I have a handful of friends who know me deeply and others through time will also.
Steph you are a passionate charismatic person, and people are drawn to you. A gift and a curse maybe? Depends on the person, but not a reflection on you. As long as you are true to yourself and God that is all that matters. People who have strong convictions usually don't have the easy path on this earth.
I know none of this helps but I hope you turn close to your friends and continue to grow friendships so they will know you.
Ah, don't be sad Lesia! This post has caused some good stuff to happen! I have a handful of close friends myself who KNOW me. This wasn't a lament that no one "knows me", lol but how we all THINK we know each other and don't. Even if you THINK you do. ;) Who can know the heart of a man. Move on to the kittens, you'll be happier. :)
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