Ok, back to my OWN stuff.
Welcome to a new category of posts called "Observations"!
The topic of this one is a spin off post from a post of my new fave blog.
In MY blog however, a discussion ensued about massaging in church.
Now, I am not sure what the actual reason for such disgust is of massaging in church is (see comment section of prior post) but here are my thoughts.
First: WHY do people massage in church?
A. They are nervous and feel like "massaging" their spouse will ease their own pain and somehow make them feel less "sinful"
B. They want to be sure that EVERYONE knows they are a couple.
C. They want to be sure that everyone knows they are a happy couple.
D. They want to make sure everyone knows that they are a happy couple and that they are regularly having SEX.
E. They want their spouse to feel comforted in church since they are there-today-for-the-Easter service-which-is-the-only-time-the-hubby-shows-up-and-the-wife-thinks-that- if -she-massages-him-he-won't-bolt-for-the-door-in-the-middle-of-"Watch the Lamb" by Ray Boltz. (Which by the way, I can do a very cool ASL interpretation to if anyone needed for an Easter service)
F. They are a MASSAGE THERAPIST and nearly can't help themselves. ( you know who that is right?)
Second: If you are a member of "Pamic" (people against massaging in church) here are some ways to get people from stopping the massage disruption.
A. Lean forward (especially if you are a man) and ask: "Do you mind if I trade places with your husband?"
B. Make vomiting sounds that sound like "URGHstopthemassageURGH"
C. Start massaging the person being massaged along with the person massaging.
D. If you are in a *Calvary Chapel Church*, loudly ask " I think this guy is hurt, help!"
and
E. Ask if they have a 976 number available.
I submit, these are the reasons people massage each other in church and ways you can stop them.
What do you think?
3 comments:
I don't make barf sounds, just barf faces. No, seriously, I was at church one time and this couple really looked like they were ready to, you know, do the deed, right there in church, so I made over- the-top looks of disgust at Greg and he laughed really loud and then we bolted because it really was getting to the point where I thought I may have to say something. No, I'm telling the truth here. It was revolting, but really Greg didn't mind having a reason to bolt and I think he went back the next week looking for that same couple just so we would have a reason for leaving early. Alas, we never saw them again. I don't even want to venture to guess where those two horn-balls ended up.
This was a really funny post though. I am looking forward to more observations. I really enjoyed this.
I guess ultimately I am a deeply repressed person and any and all attempts at touching disgust me. I'm kidding! (sort of, kind of , he he). No really, I am.
yeah... I think laughing really hard at them could get a point across... but Ann, my cousin and I were 15!
Keep the observations coming--these are really funny. You know you will never be able to massage Jeff in church again without feeling self conscious--even if you can justify it!
Post a Comment