I am. I am in LOVE with someone else's BLOG. This has never happened before. Don't you DARE go to StuffChristiansLike.Blogspot.com and fall in love too. It's MINE. Along with the other few hundred thousand who read it. I NEVER want to meet this guy "Jon". I know it will knock me out of who I am really in love with. His blog!
Grab your tissues for some funny.
#374. "<><" - Christian Emoticons I recently noticed an abundance of "<><" popping up in my inbox. At first I thought nothing of them. They seemed small and harmless, cute little Christian emoticons thrown onto the end of emails. It's only a couple of symbols that are supposed to look like an Ichthus, or what people call a "Jesus fish." No big deal, right? But then a writer friend of mine named Lisa said that she had been seeing them a lot in Pennsylvania. And I started to find more and more of them in emails. And then I realized, that "xoxoxo," long used to symbolize "hugs and kisses" was starting to disappear, replaced by "<><" instead. "<><" was eating "xoxoxo." What was next?
I envisioned entire emails without words, Christian emoticons just filling subject lines and text messages and twitters and facebook pages. I dreamt of a day where instead of saying, "I am a Christian," I would have to say, "I am a back arrow, forward arrow, back arrow" or worse yet, I would be forced to make those symbols with my fingers like some religious gang symbol, yelling "Fish Side" instead of Dr. Dre's "West Side" as I drove by rival churches.
My world started to crumble. I faced a crossroads my friends, embrace "<><" or form a resistance group. Since I am already tied up heavily in my activities with PAMIC, People Against Massages In Church, I decided to join the evangelical emoticonerati.
I decided to create a set of emoticons based on some of the posts from Stuff Christians Like.
Here they are:
\~~~\ This means, "I stayed in bed this morning and accidentally missed church. Please don't judge me if we see each other at a restaurant on Sunday afternoon and I am clearly wearing clothes that indicate I did not go." (Also known as "bedside Baptist.")
^^^^ This means, "Our church had to install speed bumps in the parking lot because despite what the sermon said, I will run you over if you get in my way when I am trying to leave church.
0:) This means, "I am a Christian with a halo and a unibrow. I wear both proudly."
!!! This means, "I drink coffee during church! Lots of coffee!"
.oO This means, "Our small church is becoming a megachurch."
Y Y Y This means, "You will see lots of people singing with their hands raised at our church."
& This means, "I am a bald worship leader."
\_ \_ \_ This means, "Our new church building has movie-theater style seats."
~~~~~> This means, "We handle snakes at our church during service."
o o o o o o o This means, "I am not afraid to throw Skittles in order to wake up a crowd of people."
0$ This means, "I tip with tracts instead of money at restaurants." (Shame on you.)
[ --> <-- } This means, "I can't clap on rhythm during worship songs. When I try to bring my hands together, it's like one hand is thinking one thing and the other is thinking something completely different."
Those are my top 12. I couldn't think of a good one for side hugs or metrosexual worship leaders. I trust you'll have better luck and hope that today, on an otherwise ordinary Monday, we can all create an extraordinary emoticon conversation in the comments.
So what would your Christian emoticon say?
5 comments:
This was my favorite. Pamic! Oh, I like that. I am repulsed by people who massage their spouse in church so I really laughed at that. This was funny. Were you serious? Can I not go look at that blog. Maybe I shouldn't. I don't want to fall in love too. I guess you can just keep typing them in here.
How did you happen upon this blog?
I love when you post many posts at once.
The emoticons at the bottom had me CRACKING up. It is so hard to make me REALLY laugh and I did. SO that secures my love for this blog. No, of course I wasn't serious. I'd link there if I knew how. BTW-
I massage Jeff in church. Not in a showy way, just if my hand is on his back or neck, I stroke, rub or press trigger points on the trap.
Maybe I have a get out of jail free card since I am a massage therapist and sometimes if I touch someone my hand AUTOMATICALLY begins to massage. Really. It can be REALLY embarassing. I have apologized more times than you know for this. Can you imagine?
Though I must admit, all I have ever gotten was "No, go right ahead!" or someting of the sort.
o=/
THere is my emoticon.
Person massaging another who is about to fall over from pleasure.
Perfectly appropriate clinical massage pleasure, that is.
I knew you were joking about checking out his blog.
You are really making me laugh with the massage thing. I like laughing first thing in the morning. I liked the one about running people over in the church parking lot. I attended a church when we first moved to Orlando and every week the Pastor would remind us about how mean it was to go to church and then go into the parking lot and beep and make mean faces at people just because you had to wait in line to exit, but every week someone was giving dirty looks to me.
rolling guys...
It was a massage in church that took my cousin and me out when we were younger. We were fascinated by these long red fingernails massaging her husband's (I hope) neck and scratching (sound effects included) up into his crew cut (he was a Marine). We were making silly comments to each other and when one of us mentioned dandruff, we (all of 15/16) lost it and couldn't get it back. Mom was so embarrassed.
So funny! I need to join Pamic too. I do not like to see massages happening in front of me. A little rubbing is okay but I've been behind people who really get into it. You almost expect the one to lay on the pew and the other to start walking on his back.
Those emoticons were too funny! I loved his last comments about metrosexuals leading worship and something else that I've now forgotten. I've had to start a movie and deal with small children in the midst of this comment.
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