Today is my hubby's BD.
He is key to much of life.
Happy Birthday Honey.
Presents later. :)
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Coffee With The Editor
Welcome to my soft open:
http://coffeewiththeeditor.blogspot.com/
Please help out the momentum of this new blog by leaving lots of comments. Please be advised that this is an open blog.
http://coffeewiththeeditor.blogspot.com/
Please help out the momentum of this new blog by leaving lots of comments. Please be advised that this is an open blog.
Mr. red hot pants
Jon is writing a book for Zondervan and though it will have mostly new stuff, some of his old stuff will make it. You can see why.
#15. Calling Satan, "the enemy."
This is one of my personal favorites. At some point in 1996, everyone decided to call satan, "the enemy." I don't know how it happened but I have a guess at why it happened. I think it happened because we're afraid to look weird if we talk about the devil. And it's a weird thing to do, I agree. In a world governed by logic and science and reason, to associate your life with a pure evil entity that is hellbent on destroying you at any given opportunity is a little freaky. That's why you rarely hear someone say, "Wow, satan was really attacking me last night." Instead, we say the enemy because it's a much safer word. Everyone understands what enemy means, it's just someone or something that is against you. So instead of feeling weird, we feel OK when we say, "Wow, the enemy was really attacking me last night." How far will we take the softening of the words we use to describe satan? We'll see, but I wouldn't be surprised if given his immense Public Relations magic we eventually call the devil, "the opponent" or maybe even "Mr. red hot pants."
I was going to post a funny one I could relate to called: #334 The "Stop That" Church Hand Grab but you won't get it unless you were raised Baptist, don't attend a CC church and know their "rule" or, are one of MY kids!
#15. Calling Satan, "the enemy."
This is one of my personal favorites. At some point in 1996, everyone decided to call satan, "the enemy." I don't know how it happened but I have a guess at why it happened. I think it happened because we're afraid to look weird if we talk about the devil. And it's a weird thing to do, I agree. In a world governed by logic and science and reason, to associate your life with a pure evil entity that is hellbent on destroying you at any given opportunity is a little freaky. That's why you rarely hear someone say, "Wow, satan was really attacking me last night." Instead, we say the enemy because it's a much safer word. Everyone understands what enemy means, it's just someone or something that is against you. So instead of feeling weird, we feel OK when we say, "Wow, the enemy was really attacking me last night." How far will we take the softening of the words we use to describe satan? We'll see, but I wouldn't be surprised if given his immense Public Relations magic we eventually call the devil, "the opponent" or maybe even "Mr. red hot pants."
I was going to post a funny one I could relate to called: #334 The "Stop That" Church Hand Grab but you won't get it unless you were raised Baptist, don't attend a CC church and know their "rule" or, are one of MY kids!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
The 7 People You Meet in Prayer Circle
I just can't help it. Whether you laugh or are offended...this guy is
just.too.much. (to use periods like Lisa T.)
#159
Prayer circles can provide some surprisingly tense moments. At church or in a small group, someone will say, "I'll open us in prayer, Lisa you close us. Everyone else, pray if you feel led."
Suddenly, there's an expectation. In less than a minute that opening prayer is going to be finished and you'll be faced with an incredibly difficult decision. Do I pray? Do I feel led? When do I pray? When is the "Closer" going to speak up and put an end to this prayer? How do I not start praying at the same time as someone else? There are so many questions, each fraught with danger and intrigue. That's why I have created the simple, "7 people you meet in a prayer circle." It's like that book, "5 People You Meet in Heaven," but slightly more sarcastic and bound to not become a made for television movie.
7 people you meet in a prayer circle:
1. The Opener
You might think the "Closer" is the one with all the power, but don't be misled, the opener is in control. In addition to often choosing the Closer, they set the tone for the entire prayer circle. If they go long, people after them are going to go long. If they add cute little jokes to the opening prayer, the people after them will be casual too. More than that, they don't need to worry about the Closer or fear someone cutting them off. They can pray and then relax. Their job is over and done in a matter of seconds.
2. The Almost-er
This is the person sitting near you that is constantly on the verge of praying. You can hear them doing that little breath thing, that small inhale that occurs a split second before someone speaks. And you can hear it because it's loud in the deafening silence of the prayer circle. Every time you are about to say a prayer you hear the Almost-er and you stop out of courtesy. And then they don't pray. So you start again and an inhale from the Almost-er stops you again. It's quite a little dance.
3. The Rambler
Another name for this person is the "Jon Acuff." This is the guy or gal that sees the chance to pray in front of people as an open microphone. A chance to not so subtly reference everything they've recently learned during their quiet time in one long, rambling prayer. And there's no way to stop them, unless you are married to them. If you are, then like my wife, you can grab the Rambler’s hand and give him a squeeze that says, "I love you, you are good at praying but no one wants to hear about the spiritual mysteries you have uncovered recently in the book of Joel."
4. The Cave In
Deciding not to pray in a prayer circle is like not giving to a love offering. What you don't feel led? You're the only person in the room that didn't get led? The Holy Spirit isn’t speaking to you right now? Maybe we should pray for you instead of doing this prayer circle. Expect at least one person to be the Cave In.
5. The Gun Slinger
When there are only two people left that have not prayed and the Closer is mentally warming up to end the session, you may end up a prayer showdown. It's just you and another girl that looks like a heathen right now for not praying. The entire circle senses that the prayers were good but they need one more before the Closer prays. They need one more tiny prayer to kind of wrap things up. But you don't want to pray and neither does the Gun Slinger. So you sit there in silence across from each other like cowboys in the street, waiting, letting the tension and the awkwardness build until finally someone draws their gun and blurts out, "Lord thank you for this day and everything you blessed us with!"
6. The Shot Blocker
This one is rare. Hearing this one in a group prayer is like seeing a unicorn. On the highway. With Gary Coleman riding it's back in the breakdown lane. In basketball, when someone on the opposing team swats your shot with their hand, preventing you from scoring, this is called "shot blocking." The same thing can happen in a prayer circle when everyone in the rooms knows that someone is praying for something they should be praying. The entire circle knows that Mark is the wrong guy for Mary but she prays for their relationship. Here’s what happens:
Mary: "Lord, I pray that you would continue to strengthen and bless my relationship with Mark."
Shot blocker: "Lord please give Mary more patience, discernment and clarity in her relationship. Help her see the truth you are trying to reveal to her.. Help her not rush into anything."
This is the basketball equivalent of someone blocking your shot into another state. Right as the prayer if floating up to heaven, someone swoops in and shot blocks it back into the crowd.
7. The Closer
Closing a prayer circle is like being Spiderman. It's a gift and a responsibility. Although you get to determine when it ends, you also have to monitor the amount of quiet time that signifies everyone has gone. Because what you don't want to happen, what the Closer fears the most is the "Encore-ist." This is the person that goes after the Closer, boldly defying all rules of group prayer. It's an embarrassing situation for a Closer and for a few minutes afterward, it's hard to make eye contact with them.
Those are the seven. I didn’t list out the Encore-ist with any detail because God can’t stand that person. Hopefully, in the next prayer circle you get in, you’ll be able to save some embarrassment and rush quickly to the role you want to play.
Posted by Prodigal Jon at 3:00 AM
just.too.much. (to use periods like Lisa T.)
#159
Prayer circles can provide some surprisingly tense moments. At church or in a small group, someone will say, "I'll open us in prayer, Lisa you close us. Everyone else, pray if you feel led."
Suddenly, there's an expectation. In less than a minute that opening prayer is going to be finished and you'll be faced with an incredibly difficult decision. Do I pray? Do I feel led? When do I pray? When is the "Closer" going to speak up and put an end to this prayer? How do I not start praying at the same time as someone else? There are so many questions, each fraught with danger and intrigue. That's why I have created the simple, "7 people you meet in a prayer circle." It's like that book, "5 People You Meet in Heaven," but slightly more sarcastic and bound to not become a made for television movie.
7 people you meet in a prayer circle:
1. The Opener
You might think the "Closer" is the one with all the power, but don't be misled, the opener is in control. In addition to often choosing the Closer, they set the tone for the entire prayer circle. If they go long, people after them are going to go long. If they add cute little jokes to the opening prayer, the people after them will be casual too. More than that, they don't need to worry about the Closer or fear someone cutting them off. They can pray and then relax. Their job is over and done in a matter of seconds.
2. The Almost-er
This is the person sitting near you that is constantly on the verge of praying. You can hear them doing that little breath thing, that small inhale that occurs a split second before someone speaks. And you can hear it because it's loud in the deafening silence of the prayer circle. Every time you are about to say a prayer you hear the Almost-er and you stop out of courtesy. And then they don't pray. So you start again and an inhale from the Almost-er stops you again. It's quite a little dance.
3. The Rambler
Another name for this person is the "Jon Acuff." This is the guy or gal that sees the chance to pray in front of people as an open microphone. A chance to not so subtly reference everything they've recently learned during their quiet time in one long, rambling prayer. And there's no way to stop them, unless you are married to them. If you are, then like my wife, you can grab the Rambler’s hand and give him a squeeze that says, "I love you, you are good at praying but no one wants to hear about the spiritual mysteries you have uncovered recently in the book of Joel."
4. The Cave In
Deciding not to pray in a prayer circle is like not giving to a love offering. What you don't feel led? You're the only person in the room that didn't get led? The Holy Spirit isn’t speaking to you right now? Maybe we should pray for you instead of doing this prayer circle. Expect at least one person to be the Cave In.
5. The Gun Slinger
When there are only two people left that have not prayed and the Closer is mentally warming up to end the session, you may end up a prayer showdown. It's just you and another girl that looks like a heathen right now for not praying. The entire circle senses that the prayers were good but they need one more before the Closer prays. They need one more tiny prayer to kind of wrap things up. But you don't want to pray and neither does the Gun Slinger. So you sit there in silence across from each other like cowboys in the street, waiting, letting the tension and the awkwardness build until finally someone draws their gun and blurts out, "Lord thank you for this day and everything you blessed us with!"
6. The Shot Blocker
This one is rare. Hearing this one in a group prayer is like seeing a unicorn. On the highway. With Gary Coleman riding it's back in the breakdown lane. In basketball, when someone on the opposing team swats your shot with their hand, preventing you from scoring, this is called "shot blocking." The same thing can happen in a prayer circle when everyone in the rooms knows that someone is praying for something they should be praying. The entire circle knows that Mark is the wrong guy for Mary but she prays for their relationship. Here’s what happens:
Mary: "Lord, I pray that you would continue to strengthen and bless my relationship with Mark."
Shot blocker: "Lord please give Mary more patience, discernment and clarity in her relationship. Help her see the truth you are trying to reveal to her.. Help her not rush into anything."
This is the basketball equivalent of someone blocking your shot into another state. Right as the prayer if floating up to heaven, someone swoops in and shot blocks it back into the crowd.
7. The Closer
Closing a prayer circle is like being Spiderman. It's a gift and a responsibility. Although you get to determine when it ends, you also have to monitor the amount of quiet time that signifies everyone has gone. Because what you don't want to happen, what the Closer fears the most is the "Encore-ist." This is the person that goes after the Closer, boldly defying all rules of group prayer. It's an embarrassing situation for a Closer and for a few minutes afterward, it's hard to make eye contact with them.
Those are the seven. I didn’t list out the Encore-ist with any detail because God can’t stand that person. Hopefully, in the next prayer circle you get in, you’ll be able to save some embarrassment and rush quickly to the role you want to play.
Posted by Prodigal Jon at 3:00 AM
BTW
By the way...I am now officially a member of PAMIC (People against massaging in church)
Yes, last week I sat behind a woman who INCESSANTLY massaged her husband's neck (don't you just WISH you knew who it was? lol)
and it really was terribly distracting. Little circles. Big circles, Kneading, stroking. The tickle, the hair pull. PUHleeze already. Gosh, can you imagine if there were a bunch of undisciplined KIDS massaging each other while talking/crying/sniffling/whining...man, it's enough to make a die-hard CC goer lose their mind...
So: You won't find ME distracting YOU by massaging my husband's neck. No siree.
I am AGIN' the church massage. I am not going to distract you from God's Word and the titillating message by touching my husband or tending to my children. Nope. Far be it from POWERFUL me to distract LACK OF FOCUS you from the massage- I mean message set before you.
But I think the real point is I don't think either of these things really distracted everyone so much until the rule got made. I never noticed others or myself massaging their DH's until I read about PAMIC. I never was distracted by kids...well, okay, that's a lie but the POINT is my mind never had the thought there should be a rule to keep them OUT because of it.
I am more peeved by the fact that I myself am now distracted by it. I used to preach "get your focus straight!" and now I myself have succumbed. Weak. Very, very weak.
Ah...The Power of Suggestion...now that's a message one could learn something from!
Oh and by the way? You won't see me sitting behind them again.
Yes, last week I sat behind a woman who INCESSANTLY massaged her husband's neck (don't you just WISH you knew who it was? lol)
and it really was terribly distracting. Little circles. Big circles, Kneading, stroking. The tickle, the hair pull. PUHleeze already. Gosh, can you imagine if there were a bunch of undisciplined KIDS massaging each other while talking/crying/sniffling/whining...man, it's enough to make a die-hard CC goer lose their mind...
So: You won't find ME distracting YOU by massaging my husband's neck. No siree.
I am AGIN' the church massage. I am not going to distract you from God's Word and the titillating message by touching my husband or tending to my children. Nope. Far be it from POWERFUL me to distract LACK OF FOCUS you from the massage- I mean message set before you.
But I think the real point is I don't think either of these things really distracted everyone so much until the rule got made. I never noticed others or myself massaging their DH's until I read about PAMIC. I never was distracted by kids...well, okay, that's a lie but the POINT is my mind never had the thought there should be a rule to keep them OUT because of it.
I am more peeved by the fact that I myself am now distracted by it. I used to preach "get your focus straight!" and now I myself have succumbed. Weak. Very, very weak.
Ah...The Power of Suggestion...now that's a message one could learn something from!
Oh and by the way? You won't see me sitting behind them again.
Jon rules again.
#249. Backsliding, a Christian thing or an Indiana Jones movie?
I don't love snakes. I'm not afraid of them, I just don't want to spoon them in bed or take them on long moonlit walks and find out they like the movie "Love Actually" too.
I blame my brother Will. He struggled with "Herpetology" when we were growing up. It started small. He'd catch lizards when we went to the beach on vacation. He'd carry a frog around in his pocket like Tom Sawyer. Just the kind of stuff the average boy does. But then he started getting really involved with snakes. He bought a boa constrictor and a milk snake and then an iguana. Now in addition to the toaster strudels in the freezer (which are far superior to pop tarts) you were liable to find dead, frozen mice that he would eventually feed his growing army of serpents. I think he was trying to become "The Beastmaster." (He also got a ferret that he named "Che" after Che Guevara. In his defense, that was one revolutionary ferret.)
I was fine with that, I think snakes in closed quarters are awesome. It's the snakes that escape, the ones that "go on holiday" that I don't like. When a kitten gets away in your house you usually find it asleep in a ball of fluffy pink yarn, all tuckered out from playing. La, la, la.
When a snake gets out, you usually find it when you're going to get a drink of water in the middle of the night and realize that what you thought was a belt in front of the dryer in the dark laundry room is not actually a belt. I don't love snakes.
You know who else doesn't? Indiana Jones.
I've been thinking of him lately because a lot of the suggestions I've been receiving sound a lot like things Indiana Jones fights against. Backsliding, slippery slopes, hedges of protection, those all seem like things from his movies. I mean, in the first one, didn't he "backslide" to get his hat out from that wall that was closing on top of him? And in the second one, wasn't that a "slippery slope" he was on when his rope bridge broke over all those crocodiles?
With the new movie out, costarring Shia Labeouf who I feel has already found a way to host Saturday Night Live 14 times, I thought it might be fun to play a game of "Indiana Jones or the Bible?"
Just for fun of course, but it does kind of prove if you're a good Christian or not.
1. When the ark was opened up, everyone's face melted.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
2. When the ark slipped and someone tried to steady it, that person died instantly.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
3. In a plot twist, the hero is thrown into a pit full of lions.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
4. In a plot twist, the hero falls into a pit full of snakes.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
5. Someone is rescued by an eagle.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
C. The Lord of the Rings (ohhh trick question)
6. Poisonous snakes come out of no where and a brass snake must be made to help ward them off.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
7. The natives are restless and in a fit of worship pull the still beating heart out of a human sacrifice.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
8. The natives are restless and tell their king they've turned into cannibals.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
9. The ark is mistreated, forgotten and lost somewhere no one will find it.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
10. As if by a miracle, a character is able to walk across a terrifying expanse as if on an invisible sidewalk.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
11. As if by a miracle, a character is able to walk across a terrifying, watery expanse as if on an invisible sidewalk.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
12. Through selfish greed, the villain falls to an unexpected death, essentially killing herself in a canyon.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
13. Through selfish greed, the villain falls to an unexpected death, essentially killing himself in a field.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
14. One of the main characters receives a painful scar on his hand when he gets burned.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
15. One of the main characters receives a painful scar on his hand so we won't get burned.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
16. A tag team of bears kills more than 40 people when they make fun of a bald guy.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
17. An angry man disarms a bad guy with a whip.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
18. An angry man clears out some bad salesmen with a whip.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
19. A huge boulder chases the main character down a hill.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
20. A giant whale swallows someone and pukes them up a few days later.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
21. A hooker with a heart of gold helps the good guys escape out of a window.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
22. At dinner, someone brings in a monkey head on a platter.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
23. At dinner, someone brings in a human head on a platter.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
I could do this all day and I hope that in addition to playing along, you'll suggest your own questions. This is just the type of ridiculousness you can expect in my book.
I don't love snakes. I'm not afraid of them, I just don't want to spoon them in bed or take them on long moonlit walks and find out they like the movie "Love Actually" too.
I blame my brother Will. He struggled with "Herpetology" when we were growing up. It started small. He'd catch lizards when we went to the beach on vacation. He'd carry a frog around in his pocket like Tom Sawyer. Just the kind of stuff the average boy does. But then he started getting really involved with snakes. He bought a boa constrictor and a milk snake and then an iguana. Now in addition to the toaster strudels in the freezer (which are far superior to pop tarts) you were liable to find dead, frozen mice that he would eventually feed his growing army of serpents. I think he was trying to become "The Beastmaster." (He also got a ferret that he named "Che" after Che Guevara. In his defense, that was one revolutionary ferret.)
I was fine with that, I think snakes in closed quarters are awesome. It's the snakes that escape, the ones that "go on holiday" that I don't like. When a kitten gets away in your house you usually find it asleep in a ball of fluffy pink yarn, all tuckered out from playing. La, la, la.
When a snake gets out, you usually find it when you're going to get a drink of water in the middle of the night and realize that what you thought was a belt in front of the dryer in the dark laundry room is not actually a belt. I don't love snakes.
You know who else doesn't? Indiana Jones.
I've been thinking of him lately because a lot of the suggestions I've been receiving sound a lot like things Indiana Jones fights against. Backsliding, slippery slopes, hedges of protection, those all seem like things from his movies. I mean, in the first one, didn't he "backslide" to get his hat out from that wall that was closing on top of him? And in the second one, wasn't that a "slippery slope" he was on when his rope bridge broke over all those crocodiles?
With the new movie out, costarring Shia Labeouf who I feel has already found a way to host Saturday Night Live 14 times, I thought it might be fun to play a game of "Indiana Jones or the Bible?"
Just for fun of course, but it does kind of prove if you're a good Christian or not.
1. When the ark was opened up, everyone's face melted.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
2. When the ark slipped and someone tried to steady it, that person died instantly.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
3. In a plot twist, the hero is thrown into a pit full of lions.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
4. In a plot twist, the hero falls into a pit full of snakes.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
5. Someone is rescued by an eagle.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
C. The Lord of the Rings (ohhh trick question)
6. Poisonous snakes come out of no where and a brass snake must be made to help ward them off.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
7. The natives are restless and in a fit of worship pull the still beating heart out of a human sacrifice.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
8. The natives are restless and tell their king they've turned into cannibals.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
9. The ark is mistreated, forgotten and lost somewhere no one will find it.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
10. As if by a miracle, a character is able to walk across a terrifying expanse as if on an invisible sidewalk.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
11. As if by a miracle, a character is able to walk across a terrifying, watery expanse as if on an invisible sidewalk.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
12. Through selfish greed, the villain falls to an unexpected death, essentially killing herself in a canyon.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
13. Through selfish greed, the villain falls to an unexpected death, essentially killing himself in a field.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
14. One of the main characters receives a painful scar on his hand when he gets burned.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
15. One of the main characters receives a painful scar on his hand so we won't get burned.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
16. A tag team of bears kills more than 40 people when they make fun of a bald guy.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
17. An angry man disarms a bad guy with a whip.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
18. An angry man clears out some bad salesmen with a whip.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
19. A huge boulder chases the main character down a hill.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
20. A giant whale swallows someone and pukes them up a few days later.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
21. A hooker with a heart of gold helps the good guys escape out of a window.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
22. At dinner, someone brings in a monkey head on a platter.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
23. At dinner, someone brings in a human head on a platter.
A. The Bible
B. Indiana Jones
I could do this all day and I hope that in addition to playing along, you'll suggest your own questions. This is just the type of ridiculousness you can expect in my book.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
fighting my way back...
Thought I'd be blogging by now but am still dealing with feeling pretty down still...just haven't been able to be on the computer any more than I absolutely have to. I'm okay but haven't been able to catch up on your blogs either but will when I am feeling better.
On a better note, I just made some cookies -n- cream white chocolate fudge of which some of you will be the recipient!
woohoo!
Oh, and PS...the JANUARY issue got delivered today, lol EARLY!
But I cannot distribute it early since it is for the New Year and would be weird being read before Christmas. But we'll get it out after Christmas for sure.
It is in a word, beautiful but I don't care much these days. It's more of a relief to have it come out good than excitement. :(
Bella's piece is better than I hoped for CC goers
and there are some changes afoot.
Will ya'll pray for my energy, optimism and strength to return?
Miss ya'll. There just ain't enough CHURCH is there?????
Don't know where this little southern flavor is coming from...well, I better get off before I find that I am BLOGGING again!
Merry Merry and all that.
On a better note, I just made some cookies -n- cream white chocolate fudge of which some of you will be the recipient!
woohoo!
Oh, and PS...the JANUARY issue got delivered today, lol EARLY!
But I cannot distribute it early since it is for the New Year and would be weird being read before Christmas. But we'll get it out after Christmas for sure.
It is in a word, beautiful but I don't care much these days. It's more of a relief to have it come out good than excitement. :(
Bella's piece is better than I hoped for CC goers
and there are some changes afoot.
Will ya'll pray for my energy, optimism and strength to return?
Miss ya'll. There just ain't enough CHURCH is there?????
Don't know where this little southern flavor is coming from...well, I better get off before I find that I am BLOGGING again!
Merry Merry and all that.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Home again Home again...
Sloan and I got up at 4:30 and beat it home. The road was so foggy we could not see at all. Scary! I ALMOST got to see Cheryl!! (Next time C!) They have been making Gingerbread houses here. Jeff wanted to try a home made one and was wildly successful as far as I am concerned.
Lauren Did a great one too from a kit!
And whose been nibbling on my house! I think her name is Kate!
She has been so funny. She sits up at the table and licks her lips and makes smacking sounds and says DEEE-LICIOUS! Yummy! Mmm-Mmm! Too funny.
Lauren Did a great one too from a kit!
And whose been nibbling on my house! I think her name is Kate!
She has been so funny. She sits up at the table and licks her lips and makes smacking sounds and says DEEE-LICIOUS! Yummy! Mmm-Mmm! Too funny.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Change of plans
Mom's going home today.
I'll be gone all day.
and may make it back tonight or tomorrow morning.
See ya!
Will try to make the bake!
I'll be gone all day.
and may make it back tonight or tomorrow morning.
See ya!
Will try to make the bake!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Update
Hi Guys..
Just feeling guilty for not getting anything up here on my blog.
It is why I never released my new blog "Coffee with the Editor"
The idea was Brilliant, but it was just one more thing.... I tested myself in trying to keep it up but was not successful. This one is private and though it likely has a few too many readers allowed, (about 17) I at least have one place that I can vent. Sort of. You know what I mean. BE myself I guess.
Anyway, I will be multi-posting soon since mag is in final editing and going to print Saturday and my Mom will be going home Sat or Sun as well
I was hoping to make the potato bake but don't know if I will...
So we shall see....have a HUGE train of thought post coming....brace yourselves for the chaos.
Cheers
Just feeling guilty for not getting anything up here on my blog.
It is why I never released my new blog "Coffee with the Editor"
The idea was Brilliant, but it was just one more thing.... I tested myself in trying to keep it up but was not successful. This one is private and though it likely has a few too many readers allowed, (about 17) I at least have one place that I can vent. Sort of. You know what I mean. BE myself I guess.
Anyway, I will be multi-posting soon since mag is in final editing and going to print Saturday and my Mom will be going home Sat or Sun as well
I was hoping to make the potato bake but don't know if I will...
So we shall see....have a HUGE train of thought post coming....brace yourselves for the chaos.
Cheers
Monday, December 15, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Finally..
My first three girls NEVER would do story times or hand motions or that really cheesy stuff...but guess WHAT?? We GOT ONE! She loves hand motions and for those of us raised in a Baptist church, you'll know why this is pretty cool.
(as in "He came from Heaven to Earth to showwwww the wayyyy...from the Earth to the Cross...My debt to pay...you remember it don't you???)
No matter, maybe hand motions aren't exactly reformed but they sure are CUTE!
I did love teaching children's church but I can't still help feel that there is a more excellent choice...
Regardless, this reminded me of the sweetness of the children. You gotta watch it to the end!
Whoops, I just realized this a Wiggles tape...but WHO cares! You get the idea!
(as in "He came from Heaven to Earth to showwwww the wayyyy...from the Earth to the Cross...My debt to pay...you remember it don't you???)
No matter, maybe hand motions aren't exactly reformed but they sure are CUTE!
I did love teaching children's church but I can't still help feel that there is a more excellent choice...
Regardless, this reminded me of the sweetness of the children. You gotta watch it to the end!
Whoops, I just realized this a Wiggles tape...but WHO cares! You get the idea!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Stream of Thought
I know this is a Chapel Chat day but I am too excited that Kate went into the class-class-sassafrass and did GREAT. She was fidgety and bothersome and from Family room to Nursing room where she didn't want to nurse she wanted to PLAY so I thought: This is nuts. You are SO going into the classroom where you can PLAY. You are TWO. Playing is what you DO at TWO. So perfectly, they were eating grapes (one of her faves) and in she went. She loved it and WONDERFUL Gaine kept checking her and peeking into the fam room with a thumbs up. She is SO going in there.
And lest you think I have changed my mind on this issue, I have not. She goes to sanctuary when she can sit quietly. I'd say by three she will be no distraction.
But for what they do in her class, she should be ok.
We have decided to keep Lauren out of class.
Do you realize that Sonya Caskey ROCKS? I think she is the "sleeper" of the group...always smiling, real, open, kind, funny and generous (as in an entire bag full of dresses for Kate that she went bonkers over) somehow I think she does not get enough credit. So here's to YOU Sonya Caskey!!!
The Mount Dora Christmas walk was fun. I was lamenting to Am that we always think we are going to have such fun at these events and we never do until we get to the park and let the kids play. I am going to stop making the kids go-to-the-event-with-lights-to-be-Christmasy and just go DIRECTLY to the park.
I miss Marissa and it seems like everyone is just moving on and I keep screaming in my head "DOES ANYONE REALIZE THAT MARISSA IS GONE?????????"
We went to the parade last night and it was GREAT but I must admit I felt pained that we were not in with our wonderful float! I kept telling myself that it was a learning experience and there is always "next year" but I was sorry we could not have participated. Of course my ridiculously competetive nature dictates that our float must be the BEST (someone else in the group admits competetiveness but I can't remember who, is it Amy? Tif? I can't remember) but anyway, expect GREATNESS next year, lol.
Being competetive serves me in very few ways except NEVER losing at Pictionary.
And now, evidently, float making.
The coveted list of "perfect foods" has been added to. Along with butter, bacon and lobster, NACHOS has been added. yes, nachos are a perfect food.
Tonight's soup is Italian Sausage Tortellini...can't wait.
Lisa's message this morning touched my heart and I was humbled by the fact that we all see her as so strong and taking it all in stride when in reality, she reacts just the way we all would. Humanly. I remember obsessing the last three times I got pregnant over this very issue because of my age...having lost all three pregnancies, I guess I'll never know.
Sloan's jewelry is rocking the jewelry house and she is selling like crazy and has orders in and wow, could this really be something for her. She loves it and her pieces are really beautiful if you can see past my sub standard picture.
We may go to Vero for Christmas. It would be our very first time not at "home" during this time.
I am looking forward to it if it works out.
No decorating. Hoo ya master Sergeant.
And lest you think I have changed my mind on this issue, I have not. She goes to sanctuary when she can sit quietly. I'd say by three she will be no distraction.
But for what they do in her class, she should be ok.
We have decided to keep Lauren out of class.
Do you realize that Sonya Caskey ROCKS? I think she is the "sleeper" of the group...always smiling, real, open, kind, funny and generous (as in an entire bag full of dresses for Kate that she went bonkers over) somehow I think she does not get enough credit. So here's to YOU Sonya Caskey!!!
The Mount Dora Christmas walk was fun. I was lamenting to Am that we always think we are going to have such fun at these events and we never do until we get to the park and let the kids play. I am going to stop making the kids go-to-the-event-with-lights-to-be-Christmasy and just go DIRECTLY to the park.
I miss Marissa and it seems like everyone is just moving on and I keep screaming in my head "DOES ANYONE REALIZE THAT MARISSA IS GONE?????????"
We went to the parade last night and it was GREAT but I must admit I felt pained that we were not in with our wonderful float! I kept telling myself that it was a learning experience and there is always "next year" but I was sorry we could not have participated. Of course my ridiculously competetive nature dictates that our float must be the BEST (someone else in the group admits competetiveness but I can't remember who, is it Amy? Tif? I can't remember) but anyway, expect GREATNESS next year, lol.
Being competetive serves me in very few ways except NEVER losing at Pictionary.
And now, evidently, float making.
The coveted list of "perfect foods" has been added to. Along with butter, bacon and lobster, NACHOS has been added. yes, nachos are a perfect food.
Tonight's soup is Italian Sausage Tortellini...can't wait.
Lisa's message this morning touched my heart and I was humbled by the fact that we all see her as so strong and taking it all in stride when in reality, she reacts just the way we all would. Humanly. I remember obsessing the last three times I got pregnant over this very issue because of my age...having lost all three pregnancies, I guess I'll never know.
Sloan's jewelry is rocking the jewelry house and she is selling like crazy and has orders in and wow, could this really be something for her. She loves it and her pieces are really beautiful if you can see past my sub standard picture.
We may go to Vero for Christmas. It would be our very first time not at "home" during this time.
I am looking forward to it if it works out.
No decorating. Hoo ya master Sergeant.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Fun with Friends!
Professor Mouse had to come over for a consult and we convinced Mom to let Broken Arm number one come over to play. Success! Lauren loved it. We don't do this much, as you know...we are the whole "brothers and sisters are best friends deal" but Em and L are two peas in a pod. I don't think they can wait until Em is on full duty again!!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Getting busy..enjoy some Jon!
#175. http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/
It's great to me how willing people are to admit that we Christians do some silly things. For instance, I've received lots of emails from people saying I should do a post about "holy sounding" email addresses. And when I look at the name of the person that suggested it, it's usually from someone named "JesusLovesandSavestheWorldBecauseHeisLove."
And like most of the things on this site, I don't have a problem with holy sounding email addresses. If you send out 100 emails a day to friends and you want to use that address as a way to remind them of your faith, go for it. I do think there are a few things you should consider however:
1. Sweet Baby Jesus
If your email address in any way incorporates the phrase, "Sweet Baby Jesus" I am going to giggle. I was so happy when the movie, "Talladega Nights" addressed this because me and my friends had joked about that for years. Whenever a minister uses that phrase I lose it.
2. No one opens emails with "demon" in the address.I joked recently that the band name, Demon Hunter, makes me want to start a band named "Satan Groin Kickers." And I still might, but if your email address is "demonfighter" or "satansworstnightmare" I will launch a two prong response. Step one is to get a little sweaty, step two is to delete the email without reading it.
3. Keep it short.
If you ever realize that your email address is longer than most verses in the Bible, there's a problem. Keep it short. "JesusRocks" or "IHeartJesus" work well. JesusIsTheReasonfortheSeasonofHopeandLoveSoWeBowDowntoHim," less good.
4. People are watching.
One of my relatives removed the Jesus fish from her car because she was an intense driver. I'd tell you who but I mentioned her specifically in another post and she told me later, "I can't go to a wedding in France next month because people will know me." This site is not that big, but it is true that when you declare Christianity people start looking at you. So be careful what you do. I used to be a mailman. (I was a carny for about four hours until I got fired.) And it was always weird to deliver Playboy and the Promise Keepers propaganda to the same dude.
I don't have a Christian email address. It's just theacuffs@yahoo.com which I suppose makes it kind of a heathen address. Maybe yours could witness to mine and we could convert it? It will make a digital faith decision and change itself to "theacuffslovesweetbabyjesus." OK, that's a little ridiculous.
It's great to me how willing people are to admit that we Christians do some silly things. For instance, I've received lots of emails from people saying I should do a post about "holy sounding" email addresses. And when I look at the name of the person that suggested it, it's usually from someone named "JesusLovesandSavestheWorldBecauseHeisLove."
And like most of the things on this site, I don't have a problem with holy sounding email addresses. If you send out 100 emails a day to friends and you want to use that address as a way to remind them of your faith, go for it. I do think there are a few things you should consider however:
1. Sweet Baby Jesus
If your email address in any way incorporates the phrase, "Sweet Baby Jesus" I am going to giggle. I was so happy when the movie, "Talladega Nights" addressed this because me and my friends had joked about that for years. Whenever a minister uses that phrase I lose it.
2. No one opens emails with "demon" in the address.I joked recently that the band name, Demon Hunter, makes me want to start a band named "Satan Groin Kickers." And I still might, but if your email address is "demonfighter" or "satansworstnightmare" I will launch a two prong response. Step one is to get a little sweaty, step two is to delete the email without reading it.
3. Keep it short.
If you ever realize that your email address is longer than most verses in the Bible, there's a problem. Keep it short. "JesusRocks" or "IHeartJesus" work well. JesusIsTheReasonfortheSeasonofHopeandLoveSoWeBowDowntoHim," less good.
4. People are watching.
One of my relatives removed the Jesus fish from her car because she was an intense driver. I'd tell you who but I mentioned her specifically in another post and she told me later, "I can't go to a wedding in France next month because people will know me." This site is not that big, but it is true that when you declare Christianity people start looking at you. So be careful what you do. I used to be a mailman. (I was a carny for about four hours until I got fired.) And it was always weird to deliver Playboy and the Promise Keepers propaganda to the same dude.
I don't have a Christian email address. It's just theacuffs@yahoo.com which I suppose makes it kind of a heathen address. Maybe yours could witness to mine and we could convert it? It will make a digital faith decision and change itself to "theacuffslovesweetbabyjesus." OK, that's a little ridiculous.
Chicken Tortilla Soup
Here is another soup we made yesterday...(sorry I am jumping on your soup bandwagon Tif! It's just too cold not to "soup"!
Anyway, we ate the whole pot before I could take a pic! (whoops!)
I doubled this recipe with the same amount of chicken, substituted lime for the lemon and added more corn and a can of black beans. This soup is slightly spicy depending on what degree of salsa you use and has a decidedly Mexican flavor and was loved by all. Next time we decided NO chips on the bottom of the bowl which wasn't bad per se but we ended up getting extra chips out to just eat with the soup...we are going to put 1/2 cup of rice in next time instead of chips and then we will really have something!
Chicken Tortilla Soup V
Rated: 5 out of 5 by 792 members Yields: 4 servings
"Lemon juice brightens the flavors in this chicken, corn and salsa soup seasoned with cumin and chili powder. Garnish with tortilla chips, grated cheese and a dollop of sour cream."
INGREDIENTS:
2 skinless, boneless chicken
breasts
1/2 teaspoon olive oil
1/2 teaspoon minced garlic
1/4 teaspoon ground cumin
2 (14.5 ounce) cans chicken
broth (I doubled this)
1 cup frozen corn kernels (I used more)
1 cup chopped onion
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
1 tablespoon lemon juice ( I used lime)
1 cup chunky salsa
8 ounces corn tortilla chips
1/2 cup shredded Monterey
Jack cheese (optional)
(I also added black beans)
DIRECTIONS:
1. In a large pot over medium heat, saute the chicken in the oil for 5 minutes. Add the garlic and cumin and mix well. Then add the broth, corn, onion, chili powder, lemon juice and salsa. Reduce heat to low and simmer for about 20 to 30 minutes.
2. Break up some tortilla chips into individual bowls and pour soup over chips. Top with the Monterey Jack cheese and a little sour cream.
Anyway, we ate the whole pot before I could take a pic! (whoops!)
I doubled this recipe with the same amount of chicken, substituted lime for the lemon and added more corn and a can of black beans. This soup is slightly spicy depending on what degree of salsa you use and has a decidedly Mexican flavor and was loved by all. Next time we decided NO chips on the bottom of the bowl which wasn't bad per se but we ended up getting extra chips out to just eat with the soup...we are going to put 1/2 cup of rice in next time instead of chips and then we will really have something!
Chicken Tortilla Soup V
Rated: 5 out of 5 by 792 members Yields: 4 servings
"Lemon juice brightens the flavors in this chicken, corn and salsa soup seasoned with cumin and chili powder. Garnish with tortilla chips, grated cheese and a dollop of sour cream."
INGREDIENTS:
2 skinless, boneless chicken
breasts
1/2 teaspoon olive oil
1/2 teaspoon minced garlic
1/4 teaspoon ground cumin
2 (14.5 ounce) cans chicken
broth (I doubled this)
1 cup frozen corn kernels (I used more)
1 cup chopped onion
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
1 tablespoon lemon juice ( I used lime)
1 cup chunky salsa
8 ounces corn tortilla chips
1/2 cup shredded Monterey
Jack cheese (optional)
(I also added black beans)
DIRECTIONS:
1. In a large pot over medium heat, saute the chicken in the oil for 5 minutes. Add the garlic and cumin and mix well. Then add the broth, corn, onion, chili powder, lemon juice and salsa. Reduce heat to low and simmer for about 20 to 30 minutes.
2. Break up some tortilla chips into individual bowls and pour soup over chips. Top with the Monterey Jack cheese and a little sour cream.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Italian Sausage Soup
We are in a soup mood over here!
So we decided to try a new one I pulled off the internet...this seems like a similar version to some of the ones going around but still a LOT different too. I made this soup EXACTLY how the recipe called to (rare for me and it is definitely another signature soup...it was unbelievably delicious, beautiful (as you can see) and the kids liked it too! Packed full of veggies and flavor! Definitely try this one.
Italian Sausage Soup
Prep Time: 10 Minutes
Cook Time: 40 Minutes Ready In: 50 Minutes
Yields: 6 servings
"This soup is easy to put together, and the flavor of the spicy sausage is balanced nicely by Great Northern beans, zucchini, fresh spinach, and carrots. Makes a delicious winter supper."
INGREDIENTS:
1 pound Italian sausage
1 clove garlic, minced
2 (14 ounce) cans beef broth
1 (14.5 ounce) can Italian-style
stewed tomatoes
1 cup sliced carrots
1 (14.5 ounce) can great Northern beans, undrained
2 small zucchini, cubed
2 cups spinach - packed,
rinsed and torn
1/4 teaspoon ground black
pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
DIRECTIONS:
1. In a stockpot or Dutch oven,(I did it in my regular old spaghetti pot) brown sausage with garlic. Stir in broth, tomatoes and carrots, and season with salt and pepper. Reduce heat, cover, and simmer 15 minutes.
2. Stir in beans with liquid and zucchini. Cover, and simmer another 15 minutes, or until zucchini is tender.
3. Remove from heat, and add spinach. Replace lid allowing the heat from the soup to cook the spinach leaves. Soup is ready to serve after 5 minutes.
And of course, it's THAT time again!!
Sconelicious!!!!!!!!!
So we decided to try a new one I pulled off the internet...this seems like a similar version to some of the ones going around but still a LOT different too. I made this soup EXACTLY how the recipe called to (rare for me and it is definitely another signature soup...it was unbelievably delicious, beautiful (as you can see) and the kids liked it too! Packed full of veggies and flavor! Definitely try this one.
Italian Sausage Soup
Prep Time: 10 Minutes
Cook Time: 40 Minutes Ready In: 50 Minutes
Yields: 6 servings
"This soup is easy to put together, and the flavor of the spicy sausage is balanced nicely by Great Northern beans, zucchini, fresh spinach, and carrots. Makes a delicious winter supper."
INGREDIENTS:
1 pound Italian sausage
1 clove garlic, minced
2 (14 ounce) cans beef broth
1 (14.5 ounce) can Italian-style
stewed tomatoes
1 cup sliced carrots
1 (14.5 ounce) can great Northern beans, undrained
2 small zucchini, cubed
2 cups spinach - packed,
rinsed and torn
1/4 teaspoon ground black
pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
DIRECTIONS:
1. In a stockpot or Dutch oven,(I did it in my regular old spaghetti pot) brown sausage with garlic. Stir in broth, tomatoes and carrots, and season with salt and pepper. Reduce heat, cover, and simmer 15 minutes.
2. Stir in beans with liquid and zucchini. Cover, and simmer another 15 minutes, or until zucchini is tender.
3. Remove from heat, and add spinach. Replace lid allowing the heat from the soup to cook the spinach leaves. Soup is ready to serve after 5 minutes.
And of course, it's THAT time again!!
Sconelicious!!!!!!!!!
Psalm 32
Thank you Lord....like the house built on rock standing through the storms that will come...confessed sin results in the rising mighty waters not reaching us! I also love the "Don't be like a mule which must be controlled by bridle and bit...no, we must FREELY go to Him and confess before him. We must follow His ways and with an upright heart; praise Him!
1Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.
2 Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.
3 When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.
4 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Selah
5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "— and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah
6 Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him.
7 You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah
8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.
9 Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you.
10 Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him.
11 Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!
Psalm 51:10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me!
1Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.
2 Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.
3 When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.
4 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Selah
5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "— and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah
6 Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him.
7 You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah
8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.
9 Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you.
10 Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him.
11 Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!
Psalm 51:10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me!
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Stream of Thought
...Feeling Christmasy but broke. How about you?
...'Stupid me' dared to put a message on the HS message board about LFM and asked readers to chime in about it...no one did. THAT hurt. But I guess it is a chance you take! Homeschoolers! They are NOT exactly NORMAL people...lol I know that these people read and like it so....I GUESS I could TRY to appease myself with the idea that it WAS a holiday. Sheesh. I never plug the mag there either.
...We ended up getting Rach a really extravagant gift that was SO on sale today with a free major accessory. UGH. I DESPISE consumerism but often find myself a willing participant...WHY?
...Heather C. has me convinced about Tivo (if it has the same great rebate she got)...if I see one more disgusting commercial that is trying to teach my kids that sex sells, I will bash the thing in with a stick.
Fast forwarding through smut? Priceless!
(forget that consumerism thing, this one may actually be WORTH it!)
...I am SICK of the leftovers...how can they taste SO good on the day they are created...but by Saturday...no thanks? Smells like day old manna to me.
Kids got pizza last night.
...I watched a great story on CNN called "America's Killer Diet" I am going to try to get it on tape. Everytime something like that affects me I think of Tif and how she says she doesn't need "one more thing telling her she is doing something wrong" but I can't help feel that this one is SO important. We are doing nothing less than POISONING our kids and acting like we are actually NOURSISHING them. How do we break this diffcult cycle? This story was SO SO SO good that I even finally realized that just a 1 tsp of trans fat per day can increase your risk of heart disease by 25%...that transfat is in EVERYTHING...including the "better" oils that they claimed to have switched to...french fries, you know the stuff...in ONE serving per day which a lot of our kids have more of per day as you know...ok, you get the picture.
You do NOT want to know the average sugar intake of a typical American kid...
...I just gave two Milk Duds to Kate.
...I am liking my kitties more. It might be because I am entertaining the idea of a dog...but the kitties sure are seeming better to me. They are really sweet!
...Good segway....Do you ever find yourself playing the "role" of x, y or z just BECAUSE? That is a weird woman trait...I play the "I don't like animals" role...which is weird, since I LOVE animals. But I know where it came from. I had three kitties before I had Sloan...soon I started feeling weird about them (the germy thing) then HAD her and was DONE caring much about the kitties...I think OVER loving animals is weird and it could be argued, unbiblical.
But anyway, that role just kept on and I exaggerated it since it was my "role" and lately I have been enjoying the kitties and the kids are FREAKED out when I pet, talk, love one or let them in. (Fleas are my sworn enemy so they are not in much) But I must admit by my loving the animals I have seen a fond and new appreciation in my kids eyes for me...that was a little sad but still good. Can you imagine in a kid's mind?
"My Mommy doesn't like: Fluffy, Snowball, Foo Foo, Tiger, Misty...etc. etc."
Yeah, I guess I better keep giving them a pet here and there...
...LFM is going to be in the Tavares Parade! Not that YOU my non commenting homeschoolers would care....but we are excited and have a GREAT theme! Only one of you know (you special girl! Shhh) but actually, who cares? I am confused at why everyone keeps their floats a secret. I'll take a couple of pics and share in a subsequent post our building of the thing. We can see this would be a fun annual event...man, even just a family float would be fun. We are having fun building ours.
...I have found my first feeling of bitterness over something and it is freaking me out. I have not ever harbored lasting bitterness so it is new to me and I am now finding that I cannot seem to release this very small thing. How do I do this? I find it lessens my opinion of this very important person in my life each time I think about it...I want to release it but it really was NOT fair in a (pretty) big way (a promise broken) and I don't know how to act like it didn't matter?
I mean, I FORGIVE them, that is not the issue, I just think that acting like it doesn't matter is impossible? I am not a Christian Idiot. (wow another post) I know life is not fair, and the blood covers all...I am talking PRACTICAL APPLICATION here...HOW to do it is my question? My heart is willing...but I cannot seem to get over it! Anyone have any experience with this and some good answers? Really now, this is nuts and I am glad that it I got to 40 to ever feel this way when I have seen others suffer for lifetimes with it but WOW, what a waste of time. I mean, really. I am glad HE is taking me to the woodshed over it though. I cannot imagine someone who suffers from the sin of bitterness...I mean, I suffer from my own sin, but this one seems to occupy a LOT of time, sheesh, I have enough to think about. How to bitter people do it? Wow. I am yet thankful again. (P.S. For all of you who are more concerned with the THING and you know who you are, NO it is not a life shattering deal like infidelity or whatever....it is LITTLE and that is the WHOLE point! I could understand BIG, but little? Why?)
...Have I ever mentioned to you about Jeff's and my theory about how the execs at Arm & Hammer baking soda company must have sat up in the board room drinking 30 year old Scotch and laughing their butts off as they came up with the marketing plan to tell us to POUR IT DOWN THE SINK????
...Can someone explain to me about a "safe room" for kids? I have heard many speak of it (I think Marissa did this) but we always just taught the kids not to touch: poison, knives, the stove, glass, breakables, etc etc...it always worked and YES it works with Kate too...but I am intrigued with the idea of an ENTIRE room that I could put her in (with gate) where she could play freely for an hour at a time without worrying? I do not think this is possible. What say you?
...I ordered new math curriculum that I oohed and ahhed over on the HS message board, again, to no response.
...I do not feel supported by my board. Lol
...I often still need my "Mom" but never had one that I could 'need' and get responded to in that way. So I need to be careful not to turn into that with my own kids. You know, they come to hug you and you say: GET OFF ME. No, I can be better than that.
As soon as they GET OFF ME. Lol
...I would like to have my breasts back. Nursing should be outlawed by TWO. Seriously.
That bottle doesn't seem like such a bad idea right about now. No seriously, I kind have moved to the: "Okay, by THREE she is done, but THAT'S IT!" (an I mean it, really!)
...I miss Cheryl.
...And Crystal.
And soon, Marissa. (Boohoo 'stead of Woohoo Calvary Chapel Goers)
...I am currently desiring an immaculate house, hair-always-brushed kids, homeschool organization and a full blown staff for the magazine.
Anyone have Santa's number? I've seemed to have misplaced it...
...I am considering not going to church tomorrow for no good reason and I know where that comes from. I am being RIDICULOUSLY honest here so no judgement. Especially since I know EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU have felt similarly...too bad for Pastors, they can NEVER get out of it. So really chide me if I don't show...but in a good and loving way that says I love you sister, not get your arse to church you sinner.
...Wow, that reminds me...I got over my inner crazy post...realizing that I really am NOT that bad...I mean, we all know the whole "break one letter of the law and you've broken it all" scripture...but really, I think I may really be harder on myself than need be...I will learn to love myself as much as I love others...ok, that's a lie. But I will TRY.
...Kate is currently playing Geo-Genius III and I hear her saying: AlASka, WyOMing, AriZOna...
...That last one give me an inkling that stream of thought-like posts are likely where the Woman's Day Book type posts came from. The Daybook one is just more structured...hmph. (That last Kate post would have been: "Sounds I hear from the other room" or whatever...)I guess I shall TRY to tolerate them better.
...I still love coffee and hope you will all support with initial MEGA commenting on my new blog: "Coffee with the Editor" which will be an open blog and one that will have a 'soft open' on Monday.
Can anyone tell me what the grammatical rule is for one dash quotes or two?
Shalom Ya'll!
...'Stupid me' dared to put a message on the HS message board about LFM and asked readers to chime in about it...no one did. THAT hurt. But I guess it is a chance you take! Homeschoolers! They are NOT exactly NORMAL people...lol I know that these people read and like it so....I GUESS I could TRY to appease myself with the idea that it WAS a holiday. Sheesh. I never plug the mag there either.
...We ended up getting Rach a really extravagant gift that was SO on sale today with a free major accessory. UGH. I DESPISE consumerism but often find myself a willing participant...WHY?
...Heather C. has me convinced about Tivo (if it has the same great rebate she got)...if I see one more disgusting commercial that is trying to teach my kids that sex sells, I will bash the thing in with a stick.
Fast forwarding through smut? Priceless!
(forget that consumerism thing, this one may actually be WORTH it!)
...I am SICK of the leftovers...how can they taste SO good on the day they are created...but by Saturday...no thanks? Smells like day old manna to me.
Kids got pizza last night.
...I watched a great story on CNN called "America's Killer Diet" I am going to try to get it on tape. Everytime something like that affects me I think of Tif and how she says she doesn't need "one more thing telling her she is doing something wrong" but I can't help feel that this one is SO important. We are doing nothing less than POISONING our kids and acting like we are actually NOURSISHING them. How do we break this diffcult cycle? This story was SO SO SO good that I even finally realized that just a 1 tsp of trans fat per day can increase your risk of heart disease by 25%...that transfat is in EVERYTHING...including the "better" oils that they claimed to have switched to...french fries, you know the stuff...in ONE serving per day which a lot of our kids have more of per day as you know...ok, you get the picture.
You do NOT want to know the average sugar intake of a typical American kid...
...I just gave two Milk Duds to Kate.
...I am liking my kitties more. It might be because I am entertaining the idea of a dog...but the kitties sure are seeming better to me. They are really sweet!
...Good segway....Do you ever find yourself playing the "role" of x, y or z just BECAUSE? That is a weird woman trait...I play the "I don't like animals" role...which is weird, since I LOVE animals. But I know where it came from. I had three kitties before I had Sloan...soon I started feeling weird about them (the germy thing) then HAD her and was DONE caring much about the kitties...I think OVER loving animals is weird and it could be argued, unbiblical.
But anyway, that role just kept on and I exaggerated it since it was my "role" and lately I have been enjoying the kitties and the kids are FREAKED out when I pet, talk, love one or let them in. (Fleas are my sworn enemy so they are not in much) But I must admit by my loving the animals I have seen a fond and new appreciation in my kids eyes for me...that was a little sad but still good. Can you imagine in a kid's mind?
"My Mommy doesn't like: Fluffy, Snowball, Foo Foo, Tiger, Misty...etc. etc."
Yeah, I guess I better keep giving them a pet here and there...
...LFM is going to be in the Tavares Parade! Not that YOU my non commenting homeschoolers would care....but we are excited and have a GREAT theme! Only one of you know (you special girl! Shhh) but actually, who cares? I am confused at why everyone keeps their floats a secret. I'll take a couple of pics and share in a subsequent post our building of the thing. We can see this would be a fun annual event...man, even just a family float would be fun. We are having fun building ours.
...I have found my first feeling of bitterness over something and it is freaking me out. I have not ever harbored lasting bitterness so it is new to me and I am now finding that I cannot seem to release this very small thing. How do I do this? I find it lessens my opinion of this very important person in my life each time I think about it...I want to release it but it really was NOT fair in a (pretty) big way (a promise broken) and I don't know how to act like it didn't matter?
I mean, I FORGIVE them, that is not the issue, I just think that acting like it doesn't matter is impossible? I am not a Christian Idiot. (wow another post) I know life is not fair, and the blood covers all...I am talking PRACTICAL APPLICATION here...HOW to do it is my question? My heart is willing...but I cannot seem to get over it! Anyone have any experience with this and some good answers? Really now, this is nuts and I am glad that it I got to 40 to ever feel this way when I have seen others suffer for lifetimes with it but WOW, what a waste of time. I mean, really. I am glad HE is taking me to the woodshed over it though. I cannot imagine someone who suffers from the sin of bitterness...I mean, I suffer from my own sin, but this one seems to occupy a LOT of time, sheesh, I have enough to think about. How to bitter people do it? Wow. I am yet thankful again. (P.S. For all of you who are more concerned with the THING and you know who you are, NO it is not a life shattering deal like infidelity or whatever....it is LITTLE and that is the WHOLE point! I could understand BIG, but little? Why?)
...Have I ever mentioned to you about Jeff's and my theory about how the execs at Arm & Hammer baking soda company must have sat up in the board room drinking 30 year old Scotch and laughing their butts off as they came up with the marketing plan to tell us to POUR IT DOWN THE SINK????
...Can someone explain to me about a "safe room" for kids? I have heard many speak of it (I think Marissa did this) but we always just taught the kids not to touch: poison, knives, the stove, glass, breakables, etc etc...it always worked and YES it works with Kate too...but I am intrigued with the idea of an ENTIRE room that I could put her in (with gate) where she could play freely for an hour at a time without worrying? I do not think this is possible. What say you?
...I ordered new math curriculum that I oohed and ahhed over on the HS message board, again, to no response.
...I do not feel supported by my board. Lol
...I often still need my "Mom" but never had one that I could 'need' and get responded to in that way. So I need to be careful not to turn into that with my own kids. You know, they come to hug you and you say: GET OFF ME. No, I can be better than that.
As soon as they GET OFF ME. Lol
...I would like to have my breasts back. Nursing should be outlawed by TWO. Seriously.
That bottle doesn't seem like such a bad idea right about now. No seriously, I kind have moved to the: "Okay, by THREE she is done, but THAT'S IT!" (an I mean it, really!)
...I miss Cheryl.
...And Crystal.
And soon, Marissa. (Boohoo 'stead of Woohoo Calvary Chapel Goers)
...I am currently desiring an immaculate house, hair-always-brushed kids, homeschool organization and a full blown staff for the magazine.
Anyone have Santa's number? I've seemed to have misplaced it...
...I am considering not going to church tomorrow for no good reason and I know where that comes from. I am being RIDICULOUSLY honest here so no judgement. Especially since I know EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU have felt similarly...too bad for Pastors, they can NEVER get out of it. So really chide me if I don't show...but in a good and loving way that says I love you sister, not get your arse to church you sinner.
...Wow, that reminds me...I got over my inner crazy post...realizing that I really am NOT that bad...I mean, we all know the whole "break one letter of the law and you've broken it all" scripture...but really, I think I may really be harder on myself than need be...I will learn to love myself as much as I love others...ok, that's a lie. But I will TRY.
...Kate is currently playing Geo-Genius III and I hear her saying: AlASka, WyOMing, AriZOna...
...That last one give me an inkling that stream of thought-like posts are likely where the Woman's Day Book type posts came from. The Daybook one is just more structured...hmph. (That last Kate post would have been: "Sounds I hear from the other room" or whatever...)I guess I shall TRY to tolerate them better.
...I still love coffee and hope you will all support with initial MEGA commenting on my new blog: "Coffee with the Editor" which will be an open blog and one that will have a 'soft open' on Monday.
Can anyone tell me what the grammatical rule is for one dash quotes or two?
Shalom Ya'll!
Friday, November 28, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
The Wrap Up
Well, it was a day of...FOOD. Lol I took a photo-journal, ever thinking of YOU dear bloggers, I hope you did the same!
Is any Thanksgiving complete without the pilgrims? But more importantly, Rachel made this beautiful sunflower napkin holder out of polymer clay...gracious I love that girl.
Setting the table...
This is the first year that I REALLY taught Rachel the ins and outs (so to speak) of the meal. It was little but IMPORTANT things like splitting the stuffing into two bowls...one being the bowl that you used to stuff the turkey with so that the spoon that went into the turkey stayed SEPARATE than the one that we ate directly out of!
Without Daddy....
moving things around is A LOT harder!
The beginnings of famous deviled eggs!
Next three are of "We are so hungry we can't wait!" food..we always have appetizers a couple of hours before...no time to make lunch so we make little snackies...
I confess this is the FIRST time I left a prayer to take a picture... I don't think I am going to hell for catching Kate looking so sweet..It was totally worth it.
Here it comes!
The bird!
And all the fixin's!
The girls were excited to get sparking grape juice for the first time...I had to go out and buy glasses for the occasion. $2.97 at Wally...MAN that was worth it!
Daddy never has anything has to drink but had a little champagne tonight...
and looks happy about it. Lol
Mmm Mmm good!
This might be the best pic I have seen lately...we had such a fun dinner!
I always cook on Thanksgiving....but the REALLY great thing is I don't make the kids help clean up...now you may not get this, but our kids RUN the house...our goal biblically, is to have each girl by 13, able to fully run the house. All of it. Think we are tough? Nah...Americans are just SOFT. Our girls want and do and ARE fully capable and are not slaves...America has SOFTENED the Christian...to ridiculous standards...but that is for another post.
My POINT is that they do it everyday. But on THIS day, when it is SO big a mess(since I evidently don't cook "clean" as the experts say) I clean it all on my own.
Wow. Whew. But really? No problem. I am SO thankful for them...and all that they are already capable of. More than 5 times tonight (literally), the girls came in trying to stop me from cleaning so they could do it..but no, no, I shooed them away...it is my gift to them.
And see? I made it...and it wasn't so bad...
I love each amazing gem I have and wish you all the best of days from here and into the new year. I love YOU!
Is any Thanksgiving complete without the pilgrims? But more importantly, Rachel made this beautiful sunflower napkin holder out of polymer clay...gracious I love that girl.
Setting the table...
This is the first year that I REALLY taught Rachel the ins and outs (so to speak) of the meal. It was little but IMPORTANT things like splitting the stuffing into two bowls...one being the bowl that you used to stuff the turkey with so that the spoon that went into the turkey stayed SEPARATE than the one that we ate directly out of!
Without Daddy....moving things around is A LOT harder!
The beginnings of famous deviled eggs!
Next three are of "We are so hungry we can't wait!" food..we always have appetizers a couple of hours before...no time to make lunch so we make little snackies...
I confess this is the FIRST time I left a prayer to take a picture... I don't think I am going to hell for catching Kate looking so sweet..It was totally worth it.
Here it comes!
The bird!
And all the fixin's!
The girls were excited to get sparking grape juice for the first time...I had to go out and buy glasses for the occasion. $2.97 at Wally...MAN that was worth it!
Daddy never has anything has to drink but had a little champagne tonight...
and looks happy about it. Lol
Mmm Mmm good!
This might be the best pic I have seen lately...we had such a fun dinner!
I always cook on Thanksgiving....but the REALLY great thing is I don't make the kids help clean up...now you may not get this, but our kids RUN the house...our goal biblically, is to have each girl by 13, able to fully run the house. All of it. Think we are tough? Nah...Americans are just SOFT. Our girls want and do and ARE fully capable and are not slaves...America has SOFTENED the Christian...to ridiculous standards...but that is for another post.
My POINT is that they do it everyday. But on THIS day, when it is SO big a mess(since I evidently don't cook "clean" as the experts say) I clean it all on my own.
Wow. Whew. But really? No problem. I am SO thankful for them...and all that they are already capable of. More than 5 times tonight (literally), the girls came in trying to stop me from cleaning so they could do it..but no, no, I shooed them away...it is my gift to them.
And see? I made it...and it wasn't so bad...
I love each amazing gem I have and wish you all the best of days from here and into the new year. I love YOU!
Thankful for Family
I don't get a chance to post many pics of my brother Rich and nephews Payden (red shorts) and Preston (black vest) but here is one that my wonderful sil Crystal sent me...My cousin in California is making a calendar for our Grandmother there (my Mom's Mom) with all the kids and grandkids...so Crystal sent me this one among some others..My point is that today I am still and ever thankful for family...at church the other day I had to speak on what I was thankful for and I was thankful for family. I do not know what my current obsession with family is except that it stems perhaps from an intense desire that I've always had for close extended family which I have not.
Both Rich and I would have thrived in such an environment but it was not to be. I cannot wait for our girls to grow and marry and then be able to supply the rich tapestry of the beginnings of healthy (?) extended family. Where kids and sons-in-law come and go and call me Mom and pick at the food I am cooking and get their hands slapped and hug me from behind and can get in the fridge without asking. Grandkids everywhere and my kids fighting over whose turn it is for Grandma to babysit this weekend and me saying "Don't worry, EVERYONE can come!"
Yep, I cannot wait to BE extended family for someone since I could not have one of my own.
Crystal is a big part of why my brother and I even are still connected (and if you are reading this Rich, I mean it in LOVE) but Crystal and I are the connectors between the only two existing siblings in my family.
So don't divorce him Crystal. Haha
Thankful for my girls and hubby and Rich Crys and the boys today.
Pics of meal tonight! Don't forget to take pics of YOUR meal!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
No good thing
Ok, you guys must not be reading Jon's stuff when I post it 'cuz booty-God-booty is just too bloomin' good!
Ok, so I am convinced that there TRULY is no good thing in me. This is not a lament post but literally the truth.
The more I want to do unto the Lord the more it seems I do not! I WANT to but I mess it up.
I know this is Paul's wretched man syndrome but it seems that it is lately killing me.
I need a sign that says" Hello, I am Christian Screw-Up"
I am a power communicator. ON every issue I think it up, think it down, think it 12 ways to Tuesday and then explain it, in detail...in triplicate and delivered to someone's front door if asked but unfortunately more commonly, if NOT asked.
Now WHY do I do that? I feel this intense need to EXPLAIN, to DIALOGUE, to EXAMINE.
That's it. Examine. That is what it is. Then I am convinced it is sin related.
Is it pride?
Is it anger?
Is it bitterness?
Is it impatience?
Again, before any weird, "You are not that bad" comments..that is not what I am trying to say...it is just literally where I go in my head...am I the only one who does this? It is EXHAUSTING!
I strive for holiness, I get holiness with holes. BIg ones. Rips. You know...
So then I think, ok, what is the sin issue for this, for that...why can I not do the things I want to do....
my head is FILLED and AWAKENED in ways in never has been before...
Is it the new areas my brain is exploring because I am using it in new ways or kickin' the dust off the old pathways? So many new relationships...ideas...
Do I sound crazy?
No, THIS is crazy. Trying to explain this in an email and pressing SEND.
That my friends is crazy. I rant and rave and then I get a "Really? You don't SEEM that way."
Lol. WOW. WHY do I have to reach out to virtual strangers (and let's face it, that is all of YOU..yes you can never really know a man's mind...right? Isn't that how the scripture goes? We THINK we know each other...we fall into some comfortable level of existence with one another and then BOOM drop some bombshell on someone and really expect them to just "handle it") expecting them to "get it" or want to examine life back with me?
They are just like,"Wow, she is a crazy person and I need to just get her off emailing ME."
Gosh it is humiliating.
I do not want wretched man syndrome. I do not want to WANT to do good and then NOT be able to do it. Or mess it up. Somehow no matter how I slice it, this just does not seem fair. The idea that He will build in us the desire to do good but then build us NOT to succeed at it. Nice.
I am not a perfectionist..really. Anyone who has seen my house knows that.
I have imperfect ideas , hopes, dreams, kids, home, beliefs. I get it. I Can deal with that.
But the consistent need to examine it and explore it and then DISCUSS it needs to quit.
Sound a bit narcissistic? No, that is not it. I just want some proof and peace that my imperfect walk is somehow made perfect in God's eyes.
I DESIRE to hear "Well done, good and faithful servant" but I know I am not doing it well!!!!
To all I have emailed/called/written or blown smoke signals to with detailed personal information expecting you to "get it", I apologize.
Please forgive me. I won't make that mistake anymore. I hope. I'll try not to. Likely I will fail at that as well. But I'll try. Promise.
And to the Lord I say, I am sorry. Sorry that I am so wretchedly imperfect. That in my broken ridiculous excuse for a Christian, you will find some. good. thing. in.me.
Release me Lord if you will, from the knowledge that I am such a wretched woman!
That in my striving for holiness...even in your strength not mine, I will fail because it makes me reliant upon YOU for forgiveness. Keeps my eye on YOU for the knowledge that without you I have no good thing. Keeps my humble...keeps my seeking...keeps me striving ultimately for the freedom from this world and heavenly perfection with you.
Sigh. Off to buy turkey...I hate to leave you on such a weird note.
Suffice to say, I am almost getting used to the idea that I cannot be who I want to be...
I am who I am. And maybe the answer is just to be a little more ok with myself...but then I think...but that is where complacency sets in.
Ok, do you think I am nuts or what? Don't answer that. Ha ha ha...The ultimate revenge against if you need revenge...ignore me. Lol Or leave a comment that says: Really? You're fine. Yep, that must be pride. UGH.
Hey, this almost sounds like a crazy Ann Marie rant!
OMG (and by G, I mean gracious. lol) did I just hit SEND again?
NOTE: Getting dressed to go out, the song popped into my head and is blaring as we speak: Your Grace is enough, Your Grace is enough, Your Grace is enough for-r me!
God is good....ALL the time!
Ok, so I am convinced that there TRULY is no good thing in me. This is not a lament post but literally the truth.
The more I want to do unto the Lord the more it seems I do not! I WANT to but I mess it up.
I know this is Paul's wretched man syndrome but it seems that it is lately killing me.
I need a sign that says" Hello, I am Christian Screw-Up"
I am a power communicator. ON every issue I think it up, think it down, think it 12 ways to Tuesday and then explain it, in detail...in triplicate and delivered to someone's front door if asked but unfortunately more commonly, if NOT asked.
Now WHY do I do that? I feel this intense need to EXPLAIN, to DIALOGUE, to EXAMINE.
That's it. Examine. That is what it is. Then I am convinced it is sin related.
Is it pride?
Is it anger?
Is it bitterness?
Is it impatience?
Again, before any weird, "You are not that bad" comments..that is not what I am trying to say...it is just literally where I go in my head...am I the only one who does this? It is EXHAUSTING!
I strive for holiness, I get holiness with holes. BIg ones. Rips. You know...
So then I think, ok, what is the sin issue for this, for that...why can I not do the things I want to do....
my head is FILLED and AWAKENED in ways in never has been before...
Is it the new areas my brain is exploring because I am using it in new ways or kickin' the dust off the old pathways? So many new relationships...ideas...
Do I sound crazy?
No, THIS is crazy. Trying to explain this in an email and pressing SEND.
That my friends is crazy. I rant and rave and then I get a "Really? You don't SEEM that way."
Lol. WOW. WHY do I have to reach out to virtual strangers (and let's face it, that is all of YOU..yes you can never really know a man's mind...right? Isn't that how the scripture goes? We THINK we know each other...we fall into some comfortable level of existence with one another and then BOOM drop some bombshell on someone and really expect them to just "handle it") expecting them to "get it" or want to examine life back with me?
They are just like,"Wow, she is a crazy person and I need to just get her off emailing ME."
Gosh it is humiliating.
I do not want wretched man syndrome. I do not want to WANT to do good and then NOT be able to do it. Or mess it up. Somehow no matter how I slice it, this just does not seem fair. The idea that He will build in us the desire to do good but then build us NOT to succeed at it. Nice.
I am not a perfectionist..really. Anyone who has seen my house knows that.
I have imperfect ideas , hopes, dreams, kids, home, beliefs. I get it. I Can deal with that.
But the consistent need to examine it and explore it and then DISCUSS it needs to quit.
Sound a bit narcissistic? No, that is not it. I just want some proof and peace that my imperfect walk is somehow made perfect in God's eyes.
I DESIRE to hear "Well done, good and faithful servant" but I know I am not doing it well!!!!
To all I have emailed/called/written or blown smoke signals to with detailed personal information expecting you to "get it", I apologize.
Please forgive me. I won't make that mistake anymore. I hope. I'll try not to. Likely I will fail at that as well. But I'll try. Promise.
And to the Lord I say, I am sorry. Sorry that I am so wretchedly imperfect. That in my broken ridiculous excuse for a Christian, you will find some. good. thing. in.me.
Release me Lord if you will, from the knowledge that I am such a wretched woman!
That in my striving for holiness...even in your strength not mine, I will fail because it makes me reliant upon YOU for forgiveness. Keeps my eye on YOU for the knowledge that without you I have no good thing. Keeps my humble...keeps my seeking...keeps me striving ultimately for the freedom from this world and heavenly perfection with you.
Sigh. Off to buy turkey...I hate to leave you on such a weird note.
Suffice to say, I am almost getting used to the idea that I cannot be who I want to be...
I am who I am. And maybe the answer is just to be a little more ok with myself...but then I think...but that is where complacency sets in.
Ok, do you think I am nuts or what? Don't answer that. Ha ha ha...The ultimate revenge against if you need revenge...ignore me. Lol Or leave a comment that says: Really? You're fine. Yep, that must be pride. UGH.
Hey, this almost sounds like a crazy Ann Marie rant!
OMG (and by G, I mean gracious. lol) did I just hit SEND again?
NOTE: Getting dressed to go out, the song popped into my head and is blaring as we speak: Your Grace is enough, Your Grace is enough, Your Grace is enough for-r me!
God is good....ALL the time!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Booty-God-Booty
(More Jon Goodness)
#113. Booty, God, Booty.
In Atlanta, my favorite radio station is V103, the “People’s Station.”It's a hip hop station that plays mostly rap and R&B. The best part of V103 is their morning show.
Everyday when I’m driving to work they do what they call an “Inspirational Vitamin.” They read a Bible verse and play a gospel song or a clip by a charismatic minister from Atlanta. I honestly find it to be an uplifting experience overall. The thing I find most interesting however is how they wedge the Inspirational Vitamin into their normal programming.
What often happens is that right before they transition to the spiritual segment of the show they play some sort of booty song. Let’s say, “I’m in love wit a stripper.” Then they do the Bible verse and then they go back to booty music when it’s over. The essentially bookend the Inspirational Vitamin with booty, following a fairly simple formula – Booty, God, Booty.
It’s easy to laugh at how insincere that Inspirational Vitamin seems when it’s sandwiched between hardcore rap songs, but to do so misses the bigger point – we Christians often live our lives the same way. Maybe God is listening to the broadcast of my day and this is what he hears: Quiet time in the morning. Read the Bible, prayer, give thanks. Go into work and act completely different and disconnected from God. Come home. Spend time with wife. Read the Bible, pray.
Chances are, that to many outside listeners, the format of my life is just as out of synch as the people station’s “booty, God, booty.” It might not be as graphic or as neon, but the juxtaposition between who I am when I’m in “God mode” and who I am when I’m in work mode is pretty substantial. I know you’ve probably heard this a million times before from other Christian writers, but next time you transition between two parts of your day, think to yourself, “Did I just go booty, God, booty?”
If nothing else, it’s a fun phrase to say.
#113. Booty, God, Booty.
In Atlanta, my favorite radio station is V103, the “People’s Station.”It's a hip hop station that plays mostly rap and R&B. The best part of V103 is their morning show.
Everyday when I’m driving to work they do what they call an “Inspirational Vitamin.” They read a Bible verse and play a gospel song or a clip by a charismatic minister from Atlanta. I honestly find it to be an uplifting experience overall. The thing I find most interesting however is how they wedge the Inspirational Vitamin into their normal programming.
What often happens is that right before they transition to the spiritual segment of the show they play some sort of booty song. Let’s say, “I’m in love wit a stripper.” Then they do the Bible verse and then they go back to booty music when it’s over. The essentially bookend the Inspirational Vitamin with booty, following a fairly simple formula – Booty, God, Booty.
It’s easy to laugh at how insincere that Inspirational Vitamin seems when it’s sandwiched between hardcore rap songs, but to do so misses the bigger point – we Christians often live our lives the same way. Maybe God is listening to the broadcast of my day and this is what he hears: Quiet time in the morning. Read the Bible, prayer, give thanks. Go into work and act completely different and disconnected from God. Come home. Spend time with wife. Read the Bible, pray.
Chances are, that to many outside listeners, the format of my life is just as out of synch as the people station’s “booty, God, booty.” It might not be as graphic or as neon, but the juxtaposition between who I am when I’m in “God mode” and who I am when I’m in work mode is pretty substantial. I know you’ve probably heard this a million times before from other Christian writers, but next time you transition between two parts of your day, think to yourself, “Did I just go booty, God, booty?”
If nothing else, it’s a fun phrase to say.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Dec issue Va Va Voom!
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am NOT kidding! This is the best looking issue ever! I can't wait for you all to see it!
It is FANTASTIC! Be sure to read the editor's note for a tease about Izzy B's article next month and note the two contests for kids!
1. Find the LFM bear is new....
2. Word Unscramble on back inside cover
and well, feel FREE to GUSH all you want!!!!!!!!!
Each issue is like a new little baby to love on and share.
I am truly nuts. I get it. But I can't help it.
If you had ANY idea how much work it was, you would understand!
I will bring some to church tonight if we make it...
and of course I'll drop some to Tif and Am like I do every month.
Yep, they rate to-the-door delivery.
Thanks for your support guys! You always make me feel so good about it!
I am NOT kidding! This is the best looking issue ever! I can't wait for you all to see it!
It is FANTASTIC! Be sure to read the editor's note for a tease about Izzy B's article next month and note the two contests for kids!
1. Find the LFM bear is new....
2. Word Unscramble on back inside cover
and well, feel FREE to GUSH all you want!!!!!!!!!
Each issue is like a new little baby to love on and share.
I am truly nuts. I get it. But I can't help it.
If you had ANY idea how much work it was, you would understand!
I will bring some to church tonight if we make it...
and of course I'll drop some to Tif and Am like I do every month.
Yep, they rate to-the-door delivery.
Thanks for your support guys! You always make me feel so good about it!
Javalujah!
Ok, I stole this one off my blog-in-the-making so you will see it repeated but just had to it was so good.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
The Blogging Fool
Wow. Have you ever seen me blog so much? While all of you fabulous people are out with your kids at the park, backyard or heck, even in front of the tube...I have been parked in front of the computer having discovered a different world of blogging. The world of "oh yes, there are some really hilarious and interesting blogs out there".
Now to qualify, and in the world of qualifying, this makes the innermost galaxy to be sure, YOUR blogs are interesting and hilarious. Even if they are NOT and are completely boring (I dare you)
I am STILL interested because I KNOW you. So blogs by people you personally know do not count in what I am saying.
I am talking about stranger's blogs. I have peeked around a bit...especially at the beginning of my blogging but found NOTHING that could hold my interest until of course, stuffchristianslike (how am I doin' Cheryl?!? I think: mastery is close! Can't figure out the target thing still though...)
but anyway, YES, I have found amazing other blogs. None beats Jon's though....but here are a few fun ones.
Stacey from Louisville (fun though I haven't read too much of her, she just seems great)
The Big Picture (for news junkies, VERY cool. News in one picture and a blurb)
(The Customer is) Not Always Right (funny real conversations with crazy customers)
97 Seconds With God (one of Jon's three blogs and a darn good one at that..about God moments)
And this last one I won't be visiting but I came across it and it is the whole weirdo thing...you know, I am not into weirdo things. I mean, I am not. I like to think I am this big adventurous girl but I am not) Cuss and I won't listen to you. Cross the line and I lose respect. Sometimes I PURPOSELY do it to see if...I don't know what, God strikes me dead? So I can be cool? To make others know that I am regular chick who is a Christian? I don't know. But I caught myself doing with Cheryl on the phone the other day by saying "P...d off" and writing the word "cr*p" on my blog which got taken off pretty quick and replaced with the word "dialogue" which let's face it, is a much more interesting and descriptive word that cr*p. And actually it might have passed but Sloan saw it and she was like, uh Mom, I cannot believe you put that word on your blog (sheesh that whole ROLE MODEL thing again) but I tell you because if she is cringing at 15 at that word then you likely know I raised them NOT being cussers. But I ultimately took it off because I somehow I felt it lessened my blog and me. Ridiculous I know. Just being honest. And yes, I know that there are other cuss words on my blog and yes, the big boob pic which I actually had to email Tif on to be sure it wasn't pornographic because I didn't mean it that way but if others viewed it that way then what kind of a Christian, Mom, Wife, Editor of Kids Magazine would I be with porn on my blog? Thankfully, she said I was good. Though why I consulted an admitted third grade potty humor expert on that perplexes me a bit. lol Just kidding...she is part of my "board". Can you believe I have a BOARD? But anyway, this one makes me feel guilty reading it and I am afraid I am going to come across something really bad so I looked once, read a bit and moved on.
And I imagine that preface is sort of like taking the clumpy milk carton out and taking a big whiff and then handing it your hubby and saying, "Ewwwww, smell this!"
So without further adieu....I give you......
Post Secret (no link so it gives you one last chance not to rubber neck)
An ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard.
Yeah, you can imagine. Nah, it's not THAT bad at all really.
But anyway, Jon (get used to his name cuz he's going to be around for awhile) has inspired me to take my blogging to a new level. Because you know, all that extra time I spoke of earlier...
So I am branching out with some other blogs...one in particular. When it develops just a little more, I will open it. It will be an open blog and connected with the magazine though not necessarily ABOUT the magazine.
Anyway, it will be interesting to see how and if and when and why and what the heck it's all for but I am excited. Wondering if I can manage an open blog that gains readers because there is a responsibility to post I think IF you gain readers. And of course there is no telling if that will happen or not anyway.
Ya'll don't interact with me enough on here though....regular commenters not included, so an open blog should be an interesting diversion. Because I need diversion, don't I?
Now to qualify, and in the world of qualifying, this makes the innermost galaxy to be sure, YOUR blogs are interesting and hilarious. Even if they are NOT and are completely boring (I dare you)
I am STILL interested because I KNOW you. So blogs by people you personally know do not count in what I am saying.
I am talking about stranger's blogs. I have peeked around a bit...especially at the beginning of my blogging but found NOTHING that could hold my interest until of course, stuffchristianslike (how am I doin' Cheryl?!? I think: mastery is close! Can't figure out the target thing still though...)
but anyway, YES, I have found amazing other blogs. None beats Jon's though....but here are a few fun ones.
Stacey from Louisville (fun though I haven't read too much of her, she just seems great)
The Big Picture (for news junkies, VERY cool. News in one picture and a blurb)
(The Customer is) Not Always Right (funny real conversations with crazy customers)
97 Seconds With God (one of Jon's three blogs and a darn good one at that..about God moments)
And this last one I won't be visiting but I came across it and it is the whole weirdo thing...you know, I am not into weirdo things. I mean, I am not. I like to think I am this big adventurous girl but I am not) Cuss and I won't listen to you. Cross the line and I lose respect. Sometimes I PURPOSELY do it to see if...I don't know what, God strikes me dead? So I can be cool? To make others know that I am regular chick who is a Christian? I don't know. But I caught myself doing with Cheryl on the phone the other day by saying "P...d off" and writing the word "cr*p" on my blog which got taken off pretty quick and replaced with the word "dialogue" which let's face it, is a much more interesting and descriptive word that cr*p. And actually it might have passed but Sloan saw it and she was like, uh Mom, I cannot believe you put that word on your blog (sheesh that whole ROLE MODEL thing again) but I tell you because if she is cringing at 15 at that word then you likely know I raised them NOT being cussers. But I ultimately took it off because I somehow I felt it lessened my blog and me. Ridiculous I know. Just being honest. And yes, I know that there are other cuss words on my blog and yes, the big boob pic which I actually had to email Tif on to be sure it wasn't pornographic because I didn't mean it that way but if others viewed it that way then what kind of a Christian, Mom, Wife, Editor of Kids Magazine would I be with porn on my blog? Thankfully, she said I was good. Though why I consulted an admitted third grade potty humor expert on that perplexes me a bit. lol Just kidding...she is part of my "board". Can you believe I have a BOARD? But anyway, this one makes me feel guilty reading it and I am afraid I am going to come across something really bad so I looked once, read a bit and moved on.
And I imagine that preface is sort of like taking the clumpy milk carton out and taking a big whiff and then handing it your hubby and saying, "Ewwwww, smell this!"
So without further adieu....I give you......
Post Secret (no link so it gives you one last chance not to rubber neck)
An ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard.
Yeah, you can imagine. Nah, it's not THAT bad at all really.
But anyway, Jon (get used to his name cuz he's going to be around for awhile) has inspired me to take my blogging to a new level. Because you know, all that extra time I spoke of earlier...
So I am branching out with some other blogs...one in particular. When it develops just a little more, I will open it. It will be an open blog and connected with the magazine though not necessarily ABOUT the magazine.
Anyway, it will be interesting to see how and if and when and why and what the heck it's all for but I am excited. Wondering if I can manage an open blog that gains readers because there is a responsibility to post I think IF you gain readers. And of course there is no telling if that will happen or not anyway.
Ya'll don't interact with me enough on here though....regular commenters not included, so an open blog should be an interesting diversion. Because I need diversion, don't I?
Booty-God- Booty
Thursday, April 3, 2008
#113. Booty, God, Booty.
In Atlanta, my favorite radio station is V103, the “People’s Station.”
It's a hip hop station that plays mostly rap and R&B. The best part of V103 is their morning show. Everyday when I’m driving to work they do what they call an “Inspirational Vitamin.” They read a Bible verse and play a gospel song or a clip by a charismatic minister from Atlanta. I honestly find it to be an uplifting experience overall. The thing I find most interesting however is how they wedge the Inspirational Vitamin into their normal programming. What often happens is that right before they transition to the spiritual segment of the show they play some sort of booty song. Let’s say, “I’m in love wit a stripper.” Then they do the Bible verse and then they go back to booty music when it’s over. The essentially bookend the Inspirational Vitamin with booty, following a fairly simple formula – Booty, God, Booty.
It’s easy to laugh at how insincere that Inspirational Vitamin seems when it’s sandwiched between hardcore rap songs, but to do so misses the bigger point – we Christians often live our lives the same way. Maybe God is listening to the broadcast of my day and this is what he hears:
Quiet time in the morning. Read the Bible, prayer, give thanks.
Go into work and act completely different and disconnected from God.Come home.
Spend time with wife. Read the Bible, pray.
Chances are, that to many outside listeners, the format of my life is just as out of synch as the people station’s “booty, God, booty.” It might not be as graphic or as neon, but the juxtaposition between who I am when I’m in “God mode” and who I am when I’m in work mode is pretty substantial.
I know you’ve probably heard this a million times before from other Christian writers, but next time you transition between two parts of your day, think to yourself, “Did I just go booty, God, booty?”
If nothing else, it’s a fun phrase to say.
(Old school readers will notice this post was something I originally wrote about last September.)
#113. Booty, God, Booty.
In Atlanta, my favorite radio station is V103, the “People’s Station.”
It's a hip hop station that plays mostly rap and R&B. The best part of V103 is their morning show. Everyday when I’m driving to work they do what they call an “Inspirational Vitamin.” They read a Bible verse and play a gospel song or a clip by a charismatic minister from Atlanta. I honestly find it to be an uplifting experience overall. The thing I find most interesting however is how they wedge the Inspirational Vitamin into their normal programming. What often happens is that right before they transition to the spiritual segment of the show they play some sort of booty song. Let’s say, “I’m in love wit a stripper.” Then they do the Bible verse and then they go back to booty music when it’s over. The essentially bookend the Inspirational Vitamin with booty, following a fairly simple formula – Booty, God, Booty.
It’s easy to laugh at how insincere that Inspirational Vitamin seems when it’s sandwiched between hardcore rap songs, but to do so misses the bigger point – we Christians often live our lives the same way. Maybe God is listening to the broadcast of my day and this is what he hears:
Quiet time in the morning. Read the Bible, prayer, give thanks.
Go into work and act completely different and disconnected from God.Come home.
Spend time with wife. Read the Bible, pray.
Chances are, that to many outside listeners, the format of my life is just as out of synch as the people station’s “booty, God, booty.” It might not be as graphic or as neon, but the juxtaposition between who I am when I’m in “God mode” and who I am when I’m in work mode is pretty substantial.
I know you’ve probably heard this a million times before from other Christian writers, but next time you transition between two parts of your day, think to yourself, “Did I just go booty, God, booty?”
If nothing else, it’s a fun phrase to say.
(Old school readers will notice this post was something I originally wrote about last September.)
#264. When the pastor takes his coat off.
Jon steps in again with more hilarity. Though I just can't see Doug sitting on the step, taking off his watch or jacket (what jacket?) or sitting backwards on a chair...I bet there is something he does....and I'll be watching. Man, that's funny. I think I'll start a new blog called: "Ways to torture your Pastor". How funny would THAT be. Get all pastors reading it and make them totally self consicious about what they do.
What kind of sicko am I anyway? Jon is teaching me that it is OK to be funny. OK to be yourself and OK to love the Lord and not be perfect.
#264. When the pastor takes his coat off. (AKA, "It's relax time.")
A few months ago I spoke at a men's group. A friend of mine that liked me enough to give me some feedback said that I shared too many ideas and said it all too quickly. I forget his exact words but the gist is that the whole thing was like my ideas were a pack of drunken squirrel monkeys running swinging through the jungle listening to the Chemical Brothers on iPods. That's not exactly what he said, but it was close.
He told me that I was not giving people enough time to laugh or chew on what I was saying. So the next time I spoke, he suggested I bring a drink and take sips during the message to force some pauses. Because I am a dork, this is how I started my next message:
"Whenever you see me take a drink from this obscenely large beverage, I've either said something really funny or something profoundly insightful. You should be laughing or scratching your head in concentration."
It worked. I slowed down my message and by the end of the talk, if I said something even a little funny, guys in the audience would start yelling, "drink," which is always a hilarious thing to hear someone yell in church.
But I'm not the only one that uses little tricks while speaking. Pastors use them too, my favorite being the "It's relax time." This is when pastors do little things to make you get comfortable and think to yourself, "wow, this pastor is just like me. This pastor gets me." It's kind of like when Mr. Rogers used to change sweaters at the start of his show.
Here are the three most obvious relax moves:
1. Taking off the coat.
This is probably the most popular move that pastors do when they want to put you at ease. It's the equivalent of doing a lay up in basketball. It's extremely easy and almost everyone on the planet can do it. All they have to do is take off their coat, lay it down on a chair or the really popular table churches are buying these days and they're all set. Nice and easy.
2. Sit on the steps.
If your church has any steps on the stage please expect the pastor to take a seat. Right in the middle of a sentence, he'll just plop down right there as if he always does that. Or if he has a chair on stage, he'll turn it around backwards like he's Zack Morris having a casual chat with his man AC. I'm not sure if there was a text book in seminary called "Sitting with Style" or perhaps, "The Secret Benefit of Knowing how to Sit," but it seems like every pastor knows this move.
3. Close the Bible
I sometimes have to interview people at work that want to be writers. I once read an interview technique that said "place your official sheet of questions down on the table. The candidate will think the interview is over and will start to open up more honestly." That's a little slippery to me, but I don't think there's anything slippery about the close the Bible move although they are similar. When your pastor dramatically closes his Bible what he is trying to say is, "The serious stuff is over. It's time to talk about life, just you and me, hanging out, talking about some life. Doing some life together. Word."
The anti-relax move:
Removing the watch.
If your minister ever removes his watch, take your car key off your key chain, throw the less useful keys in a corner and then while everyone is distracted, crawl away in the opposite direction undetected. The remove the watch trick says to the people in the congregation, "I am about to launch into a sermon where time holds no power. The things I am going to say are going to make waiting until the next season of the television show Lost starts again feel short."
Those are just a few ideas I have about how to get a crowd to relax. I promise that is just the tip of the iceberg.
What kind of sicko am I anyway? Jon is teaching me that it is OK to be funny. OK to be yourself and OK to love the Lord and not be perfect.
#264. When the pastor takes his coat off. (AKA, "It's relax time.")
A few months ago I spoke at a men's group. A friend of mine that liked me enough to give me some feedback said that I shared too many ideas and said it all too quickly. I forget his exact words but the gist is that the whole thing was like my ideas were a pack of drunken squirrel monkeys running swinging through the jungle listening to the Chemical Brothers on iPods. That's not exactly what he said, but it was close.
He told me that I was not giving people enough time to laugh or chew on what I was saying. So the next time I spoke, he suggested I bring a drink and take sips during the message to force some pauses. Because I am a dork, this is how I started my next message:
"Whenever you see me take a drink from this obscenely large beverage, I've either said something really funny or something profoundly insightful. You should be laughing or scratching your head in concentration."
It worked. I slowed down my message and by the end of the talk, if I said something even a little funny, guys in the audience would start yelling, "drink," which is always a hilarious thing to hear someone yell in church.
But I'm not the only one that uses little tricks while speaking. Pastors use them too, my favorite being the "It's relax time." This is when pastors do little things to make you get comfortable and think to yourself, "wow, this pastor is just like me. This pastor gets me." It's kind of like when Mr. Rogers used to change sweaters at the start of his show.
Here are the three most obvious relax moves:
1. Taking off the coat.
This is probably the most popular move that pastors do when they want to put you at ease. It's the equivalent of doing a lay up in basketball. It's extremely easy and almost everyone on the planet can do it. All they have to do is take off their coat, lay it down on a chair or the really popular table churches are buying these days and they're all set. Nice and easy.
2. Sit on the steps.
If your church has any steps on the stage please expect the pastor to take a seat. Right in the middle of a sentence, he'll just plop down right there as if he always does that. Or if he has a chair on stage, he'll turn it around backwards like he's Zack Morris having a casual chat with his man AC. I'm not sure if there was a text book in seminary called "Sitting with Style" or perhaps, "The Secret Benefit of Knowing how to Sit," but it seems like every pastor knows this move.
3. Close the Bible
I sometimes have to interview people at work that want to be writers. I once read an interview technique that said "place your official sheet of questions down on the table. The candidate will think the interview is over and will start to open up more honestly." That's a little slippery to me, but I don't think there's anything slippery about the close the Bible move although they are similar. When your pastor dramatically closes his Bible what he is trying to say is, "The serious stuff is over. It's time to talk about life, just you and me, hanging out, talking about some life. Doing some life together. Word."
The anti-relax move:
Removing the watch.
If your minister ever removes his watch, take your car key off your key chain, throw the less useful keys in a corner and then while everyone is distracted, crawl away in the opposite direction undetected. The remove the watch trick says to the people in the congregation, "I am about to launch into a sermon where time holds no power. The things I am going to say are going to make waiting until the next season of the television show Lost starts again feel short."
Those are just a few ideas I have about how to get a crowd to relax. I promise that is just the tip of the iceberg.
Don't be this family...
Love your family every moment, appreciate them, let them KNOW it every day you can.
Friday, November 21, 2008
#1 Observations: Why Christians Massage Each Other in Church
Ok, back to my OWN stuff.
Welcome to a new category of posts called "Observations"!
The topic of this one is a spin off post from a post of my new fave blog.
In MY blog however, a discussion ensued about massaging in church.
Now, I am not sure what the actual reason for such disgust is of massaging in church is (see comment section of prior post) but here are my thoughts.
First: WHY do people massage in church?
A. They are nervous and feel like "massaging" their spouse will ease their own pain and somehow make them feel less "sinful"
B. They want to be sure that EVERYONE knows they are a couple.
C. They want to be sure that everyone knows they are a happy couple.
D. They want to make sure everyone knows that they are a happy couple and that they are regularly having SEX.
E. They want their spouse to feel comforted in church since they are there-today-for-the-Easter service-which-is-the-only-time-the-hubby-shows-up-and-the-wife-thinks-that- if -she-massages-him-he-won't-bolt-for-the-door-in-the-middle-of-"Watch the Lamb" by Ray Boltz. (Which by the way, I can do a very cool ASL interpretation to if anyone needed for an Easter service)
F. They are a MASSAGE THERAPIST and nearly can't help themselves. ( you know who that is right?)
Second: If you are a member of "Pamic" (people against massaging in church) here are some ways to get people from stopping the massage disruption.
A. Lean forward (especially if you are a man) and ask: "Do you mind if I trade places with your husband?"
B. Make vomiting sounds that sound like "URGHstopthemassageURGH"
C. Start massaging the person being massaged along with the person massaging.
D. If you are in a *Calvary Chapel Church*, loudly ask " I think this guy is hurt, help!"
and
E. Ask if they have a 976 number available.
I submit, these are the reasons people massage each other in church and ways you can stop them.
What do you think?
Welcome to a new category of posts called "Observations"!
The topic of this one is a spin off post from a post of my new fave blog.
In MY blog however, a discussion ensued about massaging in church.
Now, I am not sure what the actual reason for such disgust is of massaging in church is (see comment section of prior post) but here are my thoughts.
First: WHY do people massage in church?
A. They are nervous and feel like "massaging" their spouse will ease their own pain and somehow make them feel less "sinful"
B. They want to be sure that EVERYONE knows they are a couple.
C. They want to be sure that everyone knows they are a happy couple.
D. They want to make sure everyone knows that they are a happy couple and that they are regularly having SEX.
E. They want their spouse to feel comforted in church since they are there-today-for-the-Easter service-which-is-the-only-time-the-hubby-shows-up-and-the-wife-thinks-that- if -she-massages-him-he-won't-bolt-for-the-door-in-the-middle-of-"Watch the Lamb" by Ray Boltz. (Which by the way, I can do a very cool ASL interpretation to if anyone needed for an Easter service)
F. They are a MASSAGE THERAPIST and nearly can't help themselves. ( you know who that is right?)
Second: If you are a member of "Pamic" (people against massaging in church) here are some ways to get people from stopping the massage disruption.
A. Lean forward (especially if you are a man) and ask: "Do you mind if I trade places with your husband?"
B. Make vomiting sounds that sound like "URGHstopthemassageURGH"
C. Start massaging the person being massaged along with the person massaging.
D. If you are in a *Calvary Chapel Church*, loudly ask " I think this guy is hurt, help!"
and
E. Ask if they have a 976 number available.
I submit, these are the reasons people massage each other in church and ways you can stop them.
What do you think?
The Fake "I'll Pray For You"
From you know where....of course. Sorry you are on the ride of my current addiction and I hope you'll PRAY FOR ME (you will won't you?) and I hope this is not overkill because if you skip reading these then you are missing stuff way better than what I ever write.
Razzle Dazzle bretheren, Razzle Dazzle.
Remix - #53. Saying "I'll pray for you" and then not.
Sometimes, saying "I'll pray for you" is just the Christian equivalent of ending a date by saying "I'll give you a call." It shouldn't be, in a dating situation you usually tell the person you'll give them a call because you're all out of words and the night needs some sort of punctuation. You know deep down you will not be giving that person a call, but they are just standing there, and they weren't a horrible date, just not the right person for you.
So you're faced with two choices – either you throw your house keys and hope that the moonlight reflecting off the key chain blinds them and the sound distracts them allowing you to escape inside or you tell them, "I'll give you a call." And since you need your keys for getting in the house, that option isn't great, unless you carry a spare set of "bad date keys" but then you have to wonder, how many bad dates are you going on that you had a special set of keys made just to throw?
Instead you say, "'I'll give you a call" because it's easier that way. Or maybe we mean it at the time. Maybe we intend to call that person, but life gets busy and we just forget. I think that's similar to what happens when we say "I'll pray for you."
Right now I have about a 17% success rate when it comes to actually following through on my "I'll pray for you" statements. I know that's horrible, but it's a ten year average and from 1996 – 2004 I was batting about 0%. I've done better these last two years to pull up my average but you know what they say about prayer statistics, "it's a marathon, not a sprint." (I think there was an analogy traffic jam in that paragraph, whoa.)
But what if there was a better way? What if instead of saying "I'll pray for you" and then not, we could all do something else? What if we learned five new ways to end a Christian conversation without saying, "I'll pray for you?" I think we should.
Five new things to say instead of "I'll pray for you."
1. "Here, have some pocket candy."
Conversations, much like Saturday Night Live skits, are often difficult to end. What started out funny and enjoyable just kind of slowly deteriorates until you're both standing there saying, "so yeah, that's what's going on." I think it might be nice, when you sense that a conversation has lost its momentum and it's time to move on, if you offered the person you're talking with some pocket candy. Instead of saying, "I'll pray for you," you could say, "I need to go now, but I'd like to leave you with these hard candies. Here, have some pocket candy." Everyone loves candy, and even if they don't, they'll be too stunned to really say anything as you fill their hands with delicious treats instead of an empty promise to pray for them.
2. "Razzle Dazzle, Razzle Dazzle."
This one makes no sense and that's kind of the point. It's just really fun to say, and at the bare minimum, it will be awkwardly funny. Just imagine if your friend says, "so anyway, that's what's going on, not much else, whatever" and you reply, "Razzle Dazzle man, Razzle Dazzle." (Bonus points if you combine this one with #1 and actually give your friend a handful of Razzles, the candy that turns into a gum. Remember that stuff? It somehow managed to suck as both a gum and a candy. Phenomenal.)
3. "I'm sorry, I can't multiply the funk."
Occasionally, a friend will ask you to pray for something that you completely disagree with. They're in a funk right now and if what they're praying for came true, the funk would be multiplied. Maybe they're in a horrible relationship and they're praying they'll get married or they're trying to quit their 47th job that year and when they ask you to pray for a new one you can't do anything but shot block it. You don't want to, it won't feel loving at the time, but you don't want to multiply the funk by praying for something you adamantly feel like God is clearly against. So be upfront and work in a little George Clinton/Prince type language to soften the blow.
4. "That's interesting."
If you've ever worked in a corporation, you've heard this phrase. This term is so large and undefined that when someone shows you an idea at work you can say "that's interesting" and it can mean everything from, "I like that idea, I think we should turn it into a project" to "that is the worst idea I have ever heard in my life." Try it today, you can use it in almost any situation. Someone spills a coke in your computer keyboard, "that's interesting, the vowels don't work anymore." Someone offers to give you a raise and an office with a door, "that's interesting, I would like a promotion." It's great for work and is a pretty handy "I'll pray for you" replacement. Not because it's a dishonest phrase but because it buys you time to gather your thoughts and reflect on the conversation instead of just throwing out an instant "I'll pray for you."
5. "Let's pray right now."
Rock the PRT, Prayer Right There, if you really want to pray. Don't let the push and pace of life swallow the request. Even if you write a prayer request down, you might lose that piece of paper or have your wife throw it away because she thought it was trash even though it also had a great book idea on it. Hypothetically speaking of course. So just pray. Or if that feels weird, pray while you walk away or drive away or Ruckus away, if you are so lucky to own a Honda Ruckus scooter. (I love that word, "ruckus." That's what I want to do with God, create a ruckus and the idea of creating a ruckus while at the same time riding a scooter named Ruckus makes my head spin.)
If we ever have the chance to hang out and we find that our conversation starts drawing to a close, and neither of us knows what to say, I hope you'll say, "Razzle Dazzle" and hand me some Razzles. Because even though it’s a sucky candy and then a sucky gum, it's still free candy, and hey, I like free candy a lot more than fake "I'll pray for you" shout outs.
Razzle Dazzle bretheren, Razzle Dazzle.
Remix - #53. Saying "I'll pray for you" and then not.
Sometimes, saying "I'll pray for you" is just the Christian equivalent of ending a date by saying "I'll give you a call." It shouldn't be, in a dating situation you usually tell the person you'll give them a call because you're all out of words and the night needs some sort of punctuation. You know deep down you will not be giving that person a call, but they are just standing there, and they weren't a horrible date, just not the right person for you.
So you're faced with two choices – either you throw your house keys and hope that the moonlight reflecting off the key chain blinds them and the sound distracts them allowing you to escape inside or you tell them, "I'll give you a call." And since you need your keys for getting in the house, that option isn't great, unless you carry a spare set of "bad date keys" but then you have to wonder, how many bad dates are you going on that you had a special set of keys made just to throw?
Instead you say, "'I'll give you a call" because it's easier that way. Or maybe we mean it at the time. Maybe we intend to call that person, but life gets busy and we just forget. I think that's similar to what happens when we say "I'll pray for you."
Right now I have about a 17% success rate when it comes to actually following through on my "I'll pray for you" statements. I know that's horrible, but it's a ten year average and from 1996 – 2004 I was batting about 0%. I've done better these last two years to pull up my average but you know what they say about prayer statistics, "it's a marathon, not a sprint." (I think there was an analogy traffic jam in that paragraph, whoa.)
But what if there was a better way? What if instead of saying "I'll pray for you" and then not, we could all do something else? What if we learned five new ways to end a Christian conversation without saying, "I'll pray for you?" I think we should.
Five new things to say instead of "I'll pray for you."
1. "Here, have some pocket candy."
Conversations, much like Saturday Night Live skits, are often difficult to end. What started out funny and enjoyable just kind of slowly deteriorates until you're both standing there saying, "so yeah, that's what's going on." I think it might be nice, when you sense that a conversation has lost its momentum and it's time to move on, if you offered the person you're talking with some pocket candy. Instead of saying, "I'll pray for you," you could say, "I need to go now, but I'd like to leave you with these hard candies. Here, have some pocket candy." Everyone loves candy, and even if they don't, they'll be too stunned to really say anything as you fill their hands with delicious treats instead of an empty promise to pray for them.
2. "Razzle Dazzle, Razzle Dazzle."
This one makes no sense and that's kind of the point. It's just really fun to say, and at the bare minimum, it will be awkwardly funny. Just imagine if your friend says, "so anyway, that's what's going on, not much else, whatever" and you reply, "Razzle Dazzle man, Razzle Dazzle." (Bonus points if you combine this one with #1 and actually give your friend a handful of Razzles, the candy that turns into a gum. Remember that stuff? It somehow managed to suck as both a gum and a candy. Phenomenal.)
3. "I'm sorry, I can't multiply the funk."
Occasionally, a friend will ask you to pray for something that you completely disagree with. They're in a funk right now and if what they're praying for came true, the funk would be multiplied. Maybe they're in a horrible relationship and they're praying they'll get married or they're trying to quit their 47th job that year and when they ask you to pray for a new one you can't do anything but shot block it. You don't want to, it won't feel loving at the time, but you don't want to multiply the funk by praying for something you adamantly feel like God is clearly against. So be upfront and work in a little George Clinton/Prince type language to soften the blow.
4. "That's interesting."
If you've ever worked in a corporation, you've heard this phrase. This term is so large and undefined that when someone shows you an idea at work you can say "that's interesting" and it can mean everything from, "I like that idea, I think we should turn it into a project" to "that is the worst idea I have ever heard in my life." Try it today, you can use it in almost any situation. Someone spills a coke in your computer keyboard, "that's interesting, the vowels don't work anymore." Someone offers to give you a raise and an office with a door, "that's interesting, I would like a promotion." It's great for work and is a pretty handy "I'll pray for you" replacement. Not because it's a dishonest phrase but because it buys you time to gather your thoughts and reflect on the conversation instead of just throwing out an instant "I'll pray for you."
5. "Let's pray right now."
Rock the PRT, Prayer Right There, if you really want to pray. Don't let the push and pace of life swallow the request. Even if you write a prayer request down, you might lose that piece of paper or have your wife throw it away because she thought it was trash even though it also had a great book idea on it. Hypothetically speaking of course. So just pray. Or if that feels weird, pray while you walk away or drive away or Ruckus away, if you are so lucky to own a Honda Ruckus scooter. (I love that word, "ruckus." That's what I want to do with God, create a ruckus and the idea of creating a ruckus while at the same time riding a scooter named Ruckus makes my head spin.)
If we ever have the chance to hang out and we find that our conversation starts drawing to a close, and neither of us knows what to say, I hope you'll say, "Razzle Dazzle" and hand me some Razzles. Because even though it’s a sucky candy and then a sucky gum, it's still free candy, and hey, I like free candy a lot more than fake "I'll pray for you" shout outs.
I. Am. In. Love.
I am. I am in LOVE with someone else's BLOG. This has never happened before. Don't you DARE go to StuffChristiansLike.Blogspot.com and fall in love too. It's MINE. Along with the other few hundred thousand who read it. I NEVER want to meet this guy "Jon". I know it will knock me out of who I am really in love with. His blog!
Grab your tissues for some funny.
#374. "<><" - Christian Emoticons I recently noticed an abundance of "<><" popping up in my inbox. At first I thought nothing of them. They seemed small and harmless, cute little Christian emoticons thrown onto the end of emails. It's only a couple of symbols that are supposed to look like an Ichthus, or what people call a "Jesus fish." No big deal, right? But then a writer friend of mine named Lisa said that she had been seeing them a lot in Pennsylvania. And I started to find more and more of them in emails. And then I realized, that "xoxoxo," long used to symbolize "hugs and kisses" was starting to disappear, replaced by "<><" instead. "<><" was eating "xoxoxo." What was next?
I envisioned entire emails without words, Christian emoticons just filling subject lines and text messages and twitters and facebook pages. I dreamt of a day where instead of saying, "I am a Christian," I would have to say, "I am a back arrow, forward arrow, back arrow" or worse yet, I would be forced to make those symbols with my fingers like some religious gang symbol, yelling "Fish Side" instead of Dr. Dre's "West Side" as I drove by rival churches.
My world started to crumble. I faced a crossroads my friends, embrace "<><" or form a resistance group. Since I am already tied up heavily in my activities with PAMIC, People Against Massages In Church, I decided to join the evangelical emoticonerati.
I decided to create a set of emoticons based on some of the posts from Stuff Christians Like.
Here they are:
\~~~\ This means, "I stayed in bed this morning and accidentally missed church. Please don't judge me if we see each other at a restaurant on Sunday afternoon and I am clearly wearing clothes that indicate I did not go." (Also known as "bedside Baptist.")
^^^^ This means, "Our church had to install speed bumps in the parking lot because despite what the sermon said, I will run you over if you get in my way when I am trying to leave church.
0:) This means, "I am a Christian with a halo and a unibrow. I wear both proudly."
!!! This means, "I drink coffee during church! Lots of coffee!"
.oO This means, "Our small church is becoming a megachurch."
Y Y Y This means, "You will see lots of people singing with their hands raised at our church."
& This means, "I am a bald worship leader."
\_ \_ \_ This means, "Our new church building has movie-theater style seats."
~~~~~> This means, "We handle snakes at our church during service."
o o o o o o o This means, "I am not afraid to throw Skittles in order to wake up a crowd of people."
0$ This means, "I tip with tracts instead of money at restaurants." (Shame on you.)
[ --> <-- } This means, "I can't clap on rhythm during worship songs. When I try to bring my hands together, it's like one hand is thinking one thing and the other is thinking something completely different."
Those are my top 12. I couldn't think of a good one for side hugs or metrosexual worship leaders. I trust you'll have better luck and hope that today, on an otherwise ordinary Monday, we can all create an extraordinary emoticon conversation in the comments.
So what would your Christian emoticon say?
Grab your tissues for some funny.
#374. "<><" - Christian Emoticons I recently noticed an abundance of "<><" popping up in my inbox. At first I thought nothing of them. They seemed small and harmless, cute little Christian emoticons thrown onto the end of emails. It's only a couple of symbols that are supposed to look like an Ichthus, or what people call a "Jesus fish." No big deal, right? But then a writer friend of mine named Lisa said that she had been seeing them a lot in Pennsylvania. And I started to find more and more of them in emails. And then I realized, that "xoxoxo," long used to symbolize "hugs and kisses" was starting to disappear, replaced by "<><" instead. "<><" was eating "xoxoxo." What was next?
I envisioned entire emails without words, Christian emoticons just filling subject lines and text messages and twitters and facebook pages. I dreamt of a day where instead of saying, "I am a Christian," I would have to say, "I am a back arrow, forward arrow, back arrow" or worse yet, I would be forced to make those symbols with my fingers like some religious gang symbol, yelling "Fish Side" instead of Dr. Dre's "West Side" as I drove by rival churches.
My world started to crumble. I faced a crossroads my friends, embrace "<><" or form a resistance group. Since I am already tied up heavily in my activities with PAMIC, People Against Massages In Church, I decided to join the evangelical emoticonerati.
I decided to create a set of emoticons based on some of the posts from Stuff Christians Like.
Here they are:
\~~~\ This means, "I stayed in bed this morning and accidentally missed church. Please don't judge me if we see each other at a restaurant on Sunday afternoon and I am clearly wearing clothes that indicate I did not go." (Also known as "bedside Baptist.")
^^^^ This means, "Our church had to install speed bumps in the parking lot because despite what the sermon said, I will run you over if you get in my way when I am trying to leave church.
0:) This means, "I am a Christian with a halo and a unibrow. I wear both proudly."
!!! This means, "I drink coffee during church! Lots of coffee!"
.oO This means, "Our small church is becoming a megachurch."
Y Y Y This means, "You will see lots of people singing with their hands raised at our church."
& This means, "I am a bald worship leader."
\_ \_ \_ This means, "Our new church building has movie-theater style seats."
~~~~~> This means, "We handle snakes at our church during service."
o o o o o o o This means, "I am not afraid to throw Skittles in order to wake up a crowd of people."
0$ This means, "I tip with tracts instead of money at restaurants." (Shame on you.)
[ --> <-- } This means, "I can't clap on rhythm during worship songs. When I try to bring my hands together, it's like one hand is thinking one thing and the other is thinking something completely different."
Those are my top 12. I couldn't think of a good one for side hugs or metrosexual worship leaders. I trust you'll have better luck and hope that today, on an otherwise ordinary Monday, we can all create an extraordinary emoticon conversation in the comments.
So what would your Christian emoticon say?
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