Stream of Thought

...Feeling Christmasy but broke. How about you?

...'Stupid me' dared to put a message on the HS message board about LFM and asked readers to chime in about it...no one did. THAT hurt. But I guess it is a chance you take! Homeschoolers! They are NOT exactly NORMAL people...lol I know that these people read and like it so....I GUESS I could TRY to appease myself with the idea that it WAS a holiday. Sheesh. I never plug the mag there either.

...We ended up getting Rach a really extravagant gift that was SO on sale today with a free major accessory. UGH. I DESPISE consumerism but often find myself a willing participant...WHY?

...Heather C. has me convinced about Tivo (if it has the same great rebate she got)...if I see one more disgusting commercial that is trying to teach my kids that sex sells, I will bash the thing in with a stick.
Fast forwarding through smut? Priceless!
(forget that consumerism thing, this one may actually be WORTH it!)

...I am SICK of the leftovers...how can they taste SO good on the day they are created...but by Saturday...no thanks? Smells like day old manna to me.
Kids got pizza last night.

...I watched a great story on CNN called "America's Killer Diet" I am going to try to get it on tape. Everytime something like that affects me I think of Tif and how she says she doesn't need "one more thing telling her she is doing something wrong" but I can't help feel that this one is SO important. We are doing nothing less than POISONING our kids and acting like we are actually NOURSISHING them. How do we break this diffcult cycle? This story was SO SO SO good that I even finally realized that just a 1 tsp of trans fat per day can increase your risk of heart disease by 25%...that transfat is in EVERYTHING...including the "better" oils that they claimed to have switched to...french fries, you know the stuff...in ONE serving per day which a lot of our kids have more of per day as you know...ok, you get the picture.
You do NOT want to know the average sugar intake of a typical American kid...

...I just gave two Milk Duds to Kate.

...I am liking my kitties more. It might be because I am entertaining the idea of a dog...but the kitties sure are seeming better to me. They are really sweet!

...Good segway....Do you ever find yourself playing the "role" of x, y or z just BECAUSE? That is a weird woman trait...I play the "I don't like animals" role...which is weird, since I LOVE animals. But I know where it came from. I had three kitties before I had Sloan...soon I started feeling weird about them (the germy thing) then HAD her and was DONE caring much about the kitties...I think OVER loving animals is weird and it could be argued, unbiblical.
But anyway, that role just kept on and I exaggerated it since it was my "role" and lately I have been enjoying the kitties and the kids are FREAKED out when I pet, talk, love one or let them in. (Fleas are my sworn enemy so they are not in much) But I must admit by my loving the animals I have seen a fond and new appreciation in my kids eyes for me...that was a little sad but still good. Can you imagine in a kid's mind?
"My Mommy doesn't like: Fluffy, Snowball, Foo Foo, Tiger, Misty...etc. etc."
Yeah, I guess I better keep giving them a pet here and there...

...LFM is going to be in the Tavares Parade! Not that YOU my non commenting homeschoolers would care....but we are excited and have a GREAT theme! Only one of you know (you special girl! Shhh) but actually, who cares? I am confused at why everyone keeps their floats a secret. I'll take a couple of pics and share in a subsequent post our building of the thing. We can see this would be a fun annual event...man, even just a family float would be fun. We are having fun building ours.

...I have found my first feeling of bitterness over something and it is freaking me out. I have not ever harbored lasting bitterness so it is new to me and I am now finding that I cannot seem to release this very small thing. How do I do this? I find it lessens my opinion of this very important person in my life each time I think about it...I want to release it but it really was NOT fair in a (pretty) big way (a promise broken) and I don't know how to act like it didn't matter?
I mean, I FORGIVE them, that is not the issue, I just think that acting like it doesn't matter is impossible? I am not a Christian Idiot. (wow another post) I know life is not fair, and the blood covers all...I am talking PRACTICAL APPLICATION here...HOW to do it is my question? My heart is willing...but I cannot seem to get over it! Anyone have any experience with this and some good answers? Really now, this is nuts and I am glad that it I got to 40 to ever feel this way when I have seen others suffer for lifetimes with it but WOW, what a waste of time. I mean, really. I am glad HE is taking me to the woodshed over it though. I cannot imagine someone who suffers from the sin of bitterness...I mean, I suffer from my own sin, but this one seems to occupy a LOT of time, sheesh, I have enough to think about. How to bitter people do it? Wow. I am yet thankful again. (P.S. For all of you who are more concerned with the THING and you know who you are, NO it is not a life shattering deal like infidelity or whatever....it is LITTLE and that is the WHOLE point! I could understand BIG, but little? Why?)

...Have I ever mentioned to you about Jeff's and my theory about how the execs at Arm & Hammer baking soda company must have sat up in the board room drinking 30 year old Scotch and laughing their butts off as they came up with the marketing plan to tell us to POUR IT DOWN THE SINK????

...Can someone explain to me about a "safe room" for kids? I have heard many speak of it (I think Marissa did this) but we always just taught the kids not to touch: poison, knives, the stove, glass, breakables, etc etc...it always worked and YES it works with Kate too...but I am intrigued with the idea of an ENTIRE room that I could put her in (with gate) where she could play freely for an hour at a time without worrying? I do not think this is possible. What say you?

...I ordered new math curriculum that I oohed and ahhed over on the HS message board, again, to no response.

...I do not feel supported by my board. Lol

...I often still need my "Mom" but never had one that I could 'need' and get responded to in that way. So I need to be careful not to turn into that with my own kids. You know, they come to hug you and you say: GET OFF ME. No, I can be better than that.
As soon as they GET OFF ME. Lol

...I would like to have my breasts back. Nursing should be outlawed by TWO. Seriously.
That bottle doesn't seem like such a bad idea right about now. No seriously, I kind have moved to the: "Okay, by THREE she is done, but THAT'S IT!" (an I mean it, really!)

...I miss Cheryl.

...And Crystal.
And soon, Marissa. (Boohoo 'stead of Woohoo Calvary Chapel Goers)

...I am currently desiring an immaculate house, hair-always-brushed kids, homeschool organization and a full blown staff for the magazine.
Anyone have Santa's number? I've seemed to have misplaced it...

...I am considering not going to church tomorrow for no good reason and I know where that comes from. I am being RIDICULOUSLY honest here so no judgement. Especially since I know EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU have felt similarly...too bad for Pastors, they can NEVER get out of it. So really chide me if I don't show...but in a good and loving way that says I love you sister, not get your arse to church you sinner.

...Wow, that reminds me...I got over my inner crazy post...realizing that I really am NOT that bad...I mean, we all know the whole "break one letter of the law and you've broken it all" scripture...but really, I think I may really be harder on myself than need be...I will learn to love myself as much as I love others...ok, that's a lie. But I will TRY.

...Kate is currently playing Geo-Genius III and I hear her saying: AlASka, WyOMing, AriZOna...

...That last one give me an inkling that stream of thought-like posts are likely where the Woman's Day Book type posts came from. The Daybook one is just more structured...hmph. (That last Kate post would have been: "Sounds I hear from the other room" or whatever...)I guess I shall TRY to tolerate them better.

...I still love coffee and hope you will all support with initial MEGA commenting on my new blog: "Coffee with the Editor" which will be an open blog and one that will have a 'soft open' on Monday.

Can anyone tell me what the grammatical rule is for one dash quotes or two?

Shalom Ya'll!

Ominous...

Are we all dead?

The Wrap Up

Well, it was a day of...FOOD. Lol I took a photo-journal, ever thinking of YOU dear bloggers, I hope you did the same!

Is any Thanksgiving complete without the pilgrims? But more importantly, Rachel made this beautiful sunflower napkin holder out of polymer clay...gracious I love that girl.




Setting the table...

This is the first year that I REALLY taught Rachel the ins and outs (so to speak) of the meal. It was little but IMPORTANT things like splitting the stuffing into two bowls...one being the bowl that you used to stuff the turkey with so that the spoon that went into the turkey stayed SEPARATE than the one that we ate directly out of!

Without Daddy....
moving things around is A LOT harder!

The beginnings of famous deviled eggs!

Next three are of "We are so hungry we can't wait!" food..we always have appetizers a couple of hours before...no time to make lunch so we make little snackies...

I confess this is the FIRST time I left a prayer to take a picture... I don't think I am going to hell for catching Kate looking so sweet..It was totally worth it.

Here it comes!

The bird!

And all the fixin's!

The girls were excited to get sparking grape juice for the first time...I had to go out and buy glasses for the occasion. $2.97 at Wally...MAN that was worth it!

Daddy never has anything has to drink but had a little champagne tonight...
and looks happy about it. Lol

Mmm Mmm good!

This might be the best pic I have seen lately...we had such a fun dinner!






I always cook on Thanksgiving....but the REALLY great thing is I don't make the kids help clean up...now you may not get this, but our kids RUN the house...our goal biblically, is to have each girl by 13, able to fully run the house. All of it. Think we are tough? Nah...Americans are just SOFT. Our girls want and do and ARE fully capable and are not slaves...America has SOFTENED the Christian...to ridiculous standards...but that is for another post.
My POINT is that they do it everyday. But on THIS day, when it is SO big a mess(since I evidently don't cook "clean" as the experts say) I clean it all on my own.

Wow. Whew. But really? No problem. I am SO thankful for them...and all that they are already capable of. More than 5 times tonight (literally), the girls came in trying to stop me from cleaning so they could do it..but no, no, I shooed them away...it is my gift to them.

And see? I made it...and it wasn't so bad...
I love each amazing gem I have and wish you all the best of days from here and into the new year. I love YOU!

Thankful for Family

I don't get a chance to post many pics of my brother Rich and nephews Payden (red shorts) and Preston (black vest) but here is one that my wonderful sil Crystal sent me...My cousin in California is making a calendar for our Grandmother there (my Mom's Mom) with all the kids and grandkids...so Crystal sent me this one among some others..

My point is that today I am still and ever thankful for family...at church the other day I had to speak on what I was thankful for and I was thankful for family. I do not know what my current obsession with family is except that it stems perhaps from an intense desire that I've always had for close extended family which I have not.

Both Rich and I would have thrived in such an environment but it was not to be. I cannot wait for our girls to grow and marry and then be able to supply the rich tapestry of the beginnings of healthy (?) extended family. Where kids and sons-in-law come and go and call me Mom and pick at the food I am cooking and get their hands slapped and hug me from behind and can get in the fridge without asking. Grandkids everywhere and my kids fighting over whose turn it is for Grandma to babysit this weekend and me saying "Don't worry, EVERYONE can come!"

Yep, I cannot wait to BE extended family for someone since I could not have one of my own.

Crystal is a big part of why my brother and I even are still connected (and if you are reading this Rich, I mean it in LOVE) but Crystal and I are the connectors between the only two existing siblings in my family.

So don't divorce him Crystal. Haha

Thankful for my girls and hubby and Rich Crys and the boys today.

Pics of meal tonight! Don't forget to take pics of YOUR meal!

What Christians sometimes do by Accident!

And one more thing...

GO BACK and watch Javalujah!

No good thing

Ok, you guys must not be reading Jon's stuff when I post it 'cuz booty-God-booty is just too bloomin' good!

Ok, so I am convinced that there TRULY is no good thing in me. This is not a lament post but literally the truth.

The more I want to do unto the Lord the more it seems I do not! I WANT to but I mess it up.
I know this is Paul's wretched man syndrome but it seems that it is lately killing me.
I need a sign that says" Hello, I am Christian Screw-Up"

I am a power communicator. ON every issue I think it up, think it down, think it 12 ways to Tuesday and then explain it, in detail...in triplicate and delivered to someone's front door if asked but unfortunately more commonly, if NOT asked.

Now WHY do I do that? I feel this intense need to EXPLAIN, to DIALOGUE, to EXAMINE.
That's it. Examine. That is what it is. Then I am convinced it is sin related.

Is it pride?
Is it anger?
Is it bitterness?
Is it impatience?

Again, before any weird, "You are not that bad" comments..that is not what I am trying to say...it is just literally where I go in my head...am I the only one who does this? It is EXHAUSTING!

I strive for holiness, I get holiness with holes. BIg ones. Rips. You know...
So then I think, ok, what is the sin issue for this, for that...why can I not do the things I want to do....
my head is FILLED and AWAKENED in ways in never has been before...

Is it the new areas my brain is exploring because I am using it in new ways or kickin' the dust off the old pathways? So many new relationships...ideas...

Do I sound crazy?

No, THIS is crazy. Trying to explain this in an email and pressing SEND.

That my friends is crazy. I rant and rave and then I get a "Really? You don't SEEM that way."

Lol. WOW. WHY do I have to reach out to virtual strangers (and let's face it, that is all of YOU..yes you can never really know a man's mind...right? Isn't that how the scripture goes? We THINK we know each other...we fall into some comfortable level of existence with one another and then BOOM drop some bombshell on someone and really expect them to just "handle it") expecting them to "get it" or want to examine life back with me?

They are just like,"Wow, she is a crazy person and I need to just get her off emailing ME."

Gosh it is humiliating.

I do not want wretched man syndrome. I do not want to WANT to do good and then NOT be able to do it. Or mess it up. Somehow no matter how I slice it, this just does not seem fair. The idea that He will build in us the desire to do good but then build us NOT to succeed at it. Nice.
I am not a perfectionist..really. Anyone who has seen my house knows that.
I have imperfect ideas , hopes, dreams, kids, home, beliefs. I get it. I Can deal with that.

But the consistent need to examine it and explore it and then DISCUSS it needs to quit.

Sound a bit narcissistic? No, that is not it. I just want some proof and peace that my imperfect walk is somehow made perfect in God's eyes.

I DESIRE to hear "Well done, good and faithful servant" but I know I am not doing it well!!!!

To all I have emailed/called/written or blown smoke signals to with detailed personal information expecting you to "get it", I apologize.
Please forgive me. I won't make that mistake anymore. I hope. I'll try not to. Likely I will fail at that as well. But I'll try. Promise.

And to the Lord I say, I am sorry. Sorry that I am so wretchedly imperfect. That in my broken ridiculous excuse for a Christian, you will find some. good. thing. in.me.

Release me Lord if you will, from the knowledge that I am such a wretched woman!

That in my striving for holiness...even in your strength not mine, I will fail because it makes me reliant upon YOU for forgiveness. Keeps my eye on YOU for the knowledge that without you I have no good thing. Keeps my humble...keeps my seeking...keeps me striving ultimately for the freedom from this world and heavenly perfection with you.

Sigh. Off to buy turkey...I hate to leave you on such a weird note.
Suffice to say, I am almost getting used to the idea that I cannot be who I want to be...
I am who I am. And maybe the answer is just to be a little more ok with myself...but then I think...but that is where complacency sets in.

Ok, do you think I am nuts or what? Don't answer that. Ha ha ha...The ultimate revenge against if you need revenge...ignore me. Lol Or leave a comment that says: Really? You're fine. Yep, that must be pride. UGH.

Hey, this almost sounds like a crazy Ann Marie rant!

OMG (and by G, I mean gracious. lol) did I just hit SEND again?

NOTE: Getting dressed to go out, the song popped into my head and is blaring as we speak: Your Grace is enough, Your Grace is enough, Your Grace is enough for-r me!
God is good....ALL the time!