I am learning to "start where I'm at".
It has been difficult for me to reconcile myself to so many wasted years. To know where blame lies, if blame needs assigning at all, and then to have to say to myself, "You have to start from here" and have that be okay!
No, it doesn't seem fair that I was raised the way I was, but no violins right? Everyone has their own story. I am learning that I need to be incredibly grateful that the Lord got ahold of my heart when He did. Because he didn't in the rest of my family and they are where they are inclined to be, of course.
I spent the first half of my life spinning in one direction barely making progress (divine intervention? I remember on the day I was leaving NYC to move home I got two calls. One from Tavern on the Green, I had gotten the job...Great money and daytime open for auditions, and one from a casting agent for a soap opera. I let them both go and came home...)and now I am spending the second half racing full throttle in another direction- covering tons of ground but surely never getting as far as I COULD have.
But, true to the Lord's character, He is loving me, guiding me, forgiving me and being patient with my regrets knowing that I am His regardless. I like that He KNOWS that I am His even when I am not acting or feeling like I am.
I like this new life. (I've been living for some time now!) It feels substantial somehow. Glory to God in all things but homeschooling has definitely been a serious tool of His in my life. I need to remember that it is ok to enjoy learning new things instead of lamenting the fact that I don't already know them so I can teach the girls. So we learn together. Alright. What else can I do?
The Lord stands in the gap!
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Good Angel, Bad Angel
Today was a good day! Anytime I get to spend time with M is good. The added benny of stopping by T's was a great beginning to the day! She has a bright spirit. With her permission, I have to say she had me cracking up talking about her and M being the "good angel" and the "bad angel" of sewing. At least they're both angels! Honestly though, (and I know they both are reading this but it's still my blog and I can type if I want to!) they both bring such a benefit to my sewing. T says, "YOU CAN DO IT! EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO DO IT TWICE!" Woohoo says me!
M says, Yes, you can do it, but we will be doing it right. Ok, my motto in my home to the kids is the old "a job worth doing" motto, so I really do like to do it right. Though I may be a little lazy or impatient. Not sure which really. (Don't answer that)
I wish I were a better finisher though, and if I didn't take on such difficult projects (as M keeps gently reminding me that I do) I would probably be better at it.
She has such skill as a teacher, I truly feel blessed by her in my life. I like that I can revert to childlike behavior with her and she just patiently nods or laughs. (lips pursed)
(In whiny voice) "But your colors are prettier than mine. This is too hard. What if I can't do it. What if I mess everyone's up. I want mine to be the best." Lol
I hope she realizes I am just doing that for effect. I really DO know how to be mature.
She is probably like, I already have two children.
I had such a fun time choosing fabric with her. We joked with the check out lady that we were doing a friendship quilt but we weren't sure we'd all still be friends in the end. HaHa
After even lamenting to T that I was linear and didn't want to have too many different blocks, she brilliantly explained that this could be an "instructional quilt" for the girls. To point out different block styles and even use to help them choose blocks for their own projects.
Hmmm, that is a GREAT idea! Now it makes sense in my head that they don't have to be just so. My Mom always said that I needed things explained to me and then I would adjust.
Probably why M and I work out so well together. I like things just so. Done right. Looking good. But I have T's spirit! Let's do it!!Yeah! Right now! Who cares!!!
Good angel, bad angel...
Ah, diversity. Ain't it great?
No worries M, I am already preheating the iron. ;)
M says, Yes, you can do it, but we will be doing it right. Ok, my motto in my home to the kids is the old "a job worth doing" motto, so I really do like to do it right. Though I may be a little lazy or impatient. Not sure which really. (Don't answer that)
I wish I were a better finisher though, and if I didn't take on such difficult projects (as M keeps gently reminding me that I do) I would probably be better at it.
She has such skill as a teacher, I truly feel blessed by her in my life. I like that I can revert to childlike behavior with her and she just patiently nods or laughs. (lips pursed)
(In whiny voice) "But your colors are prettier than mine. This is too hard. What if I can't do it. What if I mess everyone's up. I want mine to be the best." Lol
I hope she realizes I am just doing that for effect. I really DO know how to be mature.
She is probably like, I already have two children.
I had such a fun time choosing fabric with her. We joked with the check out lady that we were doing a friendship quilt but we weren't sure we'd all still be friends in the end. HaHa
After even lamenting to T that I was linear and didn't want to have too many different blocks, she brilliantly explained that this could be an "instructional quilt" for the girls. To point out different block styles and even use to help them choose blocks for their own projects.
Hmmm, that is a GREAT idea! Now it makes sense in my head that they don't have to be just so. My Mom always said that I needed things explained to me and then I would adjust.
Probably why M and I work out so well together. I like things just so. Done right. Looking good. But I have T's spirit! Let's do it!!Yeah! Right now! Who cares!!!
Good angel, bad angel...
Ah, diversity. Ain't it great?
No worries M, I am already preheating the iron. ;)
New day
Well, the start of a new day. Some warm whole wheat toast with butter and honey and a cup of joe and I'm raring to go. I can hear Kate half giggling/ half fussing upstairs. I know she is just hoping someone will come get her before she has to "cry". Lol She got a new baby pool yesterday and LOVED it. Until of course, she toppled out of it face first and face plant right into the dirt. Poor baby. She needs to learn to stay on her bottom. I wonder what the day holds...I give it to you Lord! Do with it what you will!
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Here comes the Quilt...
Oh say can you sew, by the dawn's early light?
What so proudly we hailed, at the needle's last gleaming.
Whose brought stripes and bright stars,
to the quilting block theme
and though we are new
we are gallantly scheming
to aspire to sew welllll,
only M will soon tellllll,
if we've hemmed and we'ved seemed,
in a manner esteemed,
oh say can this quilt project
poss-i-b-ly work ouuuuuuut,
for if it dooooeeeees,
we shall sew what weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, reeeeeeeeeeap.
What so proudly we hailed, at the needle's last gleaming.
Whose brought stripes and bright stars,
to the quilting block theme
and though we are new
we are gallantly scheming
to aspire to sew welllll,
only M will soon tellllll,
if we've hemmed and we'ved seemed,
in a manner esteemed,
oh say can this quilt project
poss-i-b-ly work ouuuuuuut,
for if it dooooeeeees,
we shall sew what weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, reeeeeeeeeeap.
You're Going To Hollywood!!!!!!!!
Well, after a pretty down day, I am finally feeling better at 9:00 P.M.!!!
The kids did an entire American Idol audition performance and it cracked me up. Some passed through to Hollywood and some were rejected and did the whole tantrum on the way out scenario.
Then they broke into High Shcool Musical song performances, replete with choreography from the movie...I was SO wishing my friend T was here so she could see it. I know it would have cracked her up (Get your head in the game, Get your head in the game) but when asked if theywould do it for her on Thursday, of course, they freaked.
Sigh, They would be good in the theatre, but like Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy, they are thespians in the quiet, prefering to maintain a more ladylike decorum in public. I guess that is okay with me! This audience of one (or sometimes two if Daddy is home) is completely thrilled with their amazing ability to memorize, sing, dance and act and generally crack me and themselves completely up.
We are missing Daddy this evening but are looking forward to goings on in the week.
The kids did an entire American Idol audition performance and it cracked me up. Some passed through to Hollywood and some were rejected and did the whole tantrum on the way out scenario.
Then they broke into High Shcool Musical song performances, replete with choreography from the movie...I was SO wishing my friend T was here so she could see it. I know it would have cracked her up (Get your head in the game, Get your head in the game) but when asked if theywould do it for her on Thursday, of course, they freaked.
Sigh, They would be good in the theatre, but like Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy, they are thespians in the quiet, prefering to maintain a more ladylike decorum in public. I guess that is okay with me! This audience of one (or sometimes two if Daddy is home) is completely thrilled with their amazing ability to memorize, sing, dance and act and generally crack me and themselves completely up.
We are missing Daddy this evening but are looking forward to goings on in the week.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Movie Time Follies
So, on the movie thing...we talked about it some more today.
And we realized the kids got their very first taste of submitting to their higher authority over their earthly one! This has never happened before, their having to override our decision for what their spirit tells them is right. PRAISE THE LORD! We told them that they would probably be more stringent that we were with some things. Not legalistically, but by spirit, how they've been taught.
Interesting that they would sit through the movie just because they had permission when they were uncomfortable with it! What were they thinking? They said it was because they wanted to stay with Lauren. (who we originally got the movie for anyway as she saw a piece of it on TV and liked it)
I don't feel bad. Actually amazed and thrilled!!! That our children's moral compass would point more North than our own?? As it should be! Kids should always do better than their parents!
You go girls!
(Funny that the name of the movie is Adamm's FAMILY VALUES) Lol
And we realized the kids got their very first taste of submitting to their higher authority over their earthly one! This has never happened before, their having to override our decision for what their spirit tells them is right. PRAISE THE LORD! We told them that they would probably be more stringent that we were with some things. Not legalistically, but by spirit, how they've been taught.
Interesting that they would sit through the movie just because they had permission when they were uncomfortable with it! What were they thinking? They said it was because they wanted to stay with Lauren. (who we originally got the movie for anyway as she saw a piece of it on TV and liked it)
I don't feel bad. Actually amazed and thrilled!!! That our children's moral compass would point more North than our own?? As it should be! Kids should always do better than their parents!
You go girls!
(Funny that the name of the movie is Adamm's FAMILY VALUES) Lol
Family Values?
We belong to Netflix and we rented Adamm's Family Values for the kids.
BIG mistake! They were traumatized and I admit I was a little annoyed.
I mean come on people! It's the Adamm's Family! *hear music*
"Well", says S, "we weren't raised like that Mom."
Um, What does that mean? I'm the one raising you! I am not some wayward Aunt that came along and exposed you to some horrific secular thing.
"But Mom, they fed the baby Vodka!"
Yeah, and?
And they dropped the baby out the window and dropped and anvil out after!"
So, what's your point?
Ok, so Lauren's new favorite line is now, (deadpan) "So I've decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground." I thought it was funny.
After WAY too long a discussion on this and after putting away my defensiveness about this stupid, albeit totally harmless, movie, I realize they haven't been raised that way, it is true.
MY lens of experience is not THEIRS. Duh. They didn't grow up with the sitcom Adamm's Family like I did. Or watching things I NEVER should have been allowed to see. My gauge is broken if using my upbringing as my compass, I must always rely on the Lord to be my compass or I shall fail!
They just could not see the idea of the "monsters" being the good guys.
Hope I haven't scarred them for life.
These are kids who lived on Lord of the Rings! Now that's scary!
But a little hand running around and Uncle Fester???
The truth is we have followed scripture pretty closely about only letting lovely things into the eyes and thereby into the mind and heart.
Images do stay there forever mind you. We prayed about it and I said I was sorry and to come and get us the next time their spirit convicted them of something I allowed them to watch. (We were upstairs watching our own Movie: "How to Ruin Your Kids in One Fail Swoop")
BIG mistake! They were traumatized and I admit I was a little annoyed.
I mean come on people! It's the Adamm's Family! *hear music*
"Well", says S, "we weren't raised like that Mom."
Um, What does that mean? I'm the one raising you! I am not some wayward Aunt that came along and exposed you to some horrific secular thing.
"But Mom, they fed the baby Vodka!"
Yeah, and?
And they dropped the baby out the window and dropped and anvil out after!"
So, what's your point?
Ok, so Lauren's new favorite line is now, (deadpan) "So I've decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground." I thought it was funny.
After WAY too long a discussion on this and after putting away my defensiveness about this stupid, albeit totally harmless, movie, I realize they haven't been raised that way, it is true.
MY lens of experience is not THEIRS. Duh. They didn't grow up with the sitcom Adamm's Family like I did. Or watching things I NEVER should have been allowed to see. My gauge is broken if using my upbringing as my compass, I must always rely on the Lord to be my compass or I shall fail!
They just could not see the idea of the "monsters" being the good guys.
Hope I haven't scarred them for life.
These are kids who lived on Lord of the Rings! Now that's scary!
But a little hand running around and Uncle Fester???
The truth is we have followed scripture pretty closely about only letting lovely things into the eyes and thereby into the mind and heart.
Images do stay there forever mind you. We prayed about it and I said I was sorry and to come and get us the next time their spirit convicted them of something I allowed them to watch. (We were upstairs watching our own Movie: "How to Ruin Your Kids in One Fail Swoop")
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