Start where you're at.

I am learning to "start where I'm at".
It has been difficult for me to reconcile myself to so many wasted years. To know where blame lies, if blame needs assigning at all, and then to have to say to myself, "You have to start from here" and have that be okay!
No, it doesn't seem fair that I was raised the way I was, but no violins right? Everyone has their own story. I am learning that I need to be incredibly grateful that the Lord got ahold of my heart when He did. Because he didn't in the rest of my family and they are where they are inclined to be, of course.
I spent the first half of my life spinning in one direction barely making progress (divine intervention? I remember on the day I was leaving NYC to move home I got two calls. One from Tavern on the Green, I had gotten the job...Great money and daytime open for auditions, and one from a casting agent for a soap opera. I let them both go and came home...)and now I am spending the second half racing full throttle in another direction- covering tons of ground but surely never getting as far as I COULD have.
But, true to the Lord's character, He is loving me, guiding me, forgiving me and being patient with my regrets knowing that I am His regardless. I like that He KNOWS that I am His even when I am not acting or feeling like I am.
I like this new life. (I've been living for some time now!) It feels substantial somehow. Glory to God in all things but homeschooling has definitely been a serious tool of His in my life. I need to remember that it is ok to enjoy learning new things instead of lamenting the fact that I don't already know them so I can teach the girls. So we learn together. Alright. What else can I do?
The Lord stands in the gap!