My life is a Cake Batter Martini

I'm only blogging because a friend dared me to. Made me. Dared me. Whatever.

I have nothing to say that is positive and am wondering if I should embrace the new negative me or do as my Grandmother said, "If you can't say anything nice..."
Actually she said, "If you can't be a blessing, then stay home." But that didn't quite fit so I adapted it to the old stand by.

I am SICK TO DEATH of falling off the health food wagon. I am just saying that Creamsicle Cupcakes and Devil Dogs along with Smoked Turkey Feta wraps and Creamy tomato fettuccine is going to taste a whole HECKUVA lot better than lettuce. And for those of you that have seen my garden, you know I have a Great White Hunter ability to possess lettuce. Ya'll know I am just kidding and love a good healthy salad. I am just in my 20% mode right now. (You know, that old 80/20 solution of 80% Healthy and 20% free for all?)

I am just wondering if I can I live my 20% for say, 99% of a period of time (that is TBA) and then live my 80% 50% of the time so I can then gradually make up the 30% in my 20% time. Then save the extra 1% to tip the scales , I mean to give me leeway for make up %'s. So pretty much, I'm covered. Right?

I'm skipping church today because I feel mean and if I have to paste a smile on my face and hear anyone say any one nice thing to me or one mean thing about someone else I might go postal. I realize the phrase "going postal" is seriously outdated but I have never been able to use it so I am taking the license. Besides, I like things that are postal. Like pretty stamps. I LOVE pretty, cool, different, themed stamps. So if you ever want to get me anything, get me stamps. The Forever kind, thankyouverymuch. Not that I ever send ANYTHING by mail anymore...am I digressing or what?

What was I saying? I have no idea.

So I am staying home from church today and wallowing in whatever and seriously considering an official nervous breakdown. Except I am not nervous. More like a "Can you just not bother me for the rest of my LIFE" breakdown. Yeah, that's it. Am I allowed to do that? Because you know, I have this parenting book going on and I can't seem to make it fit into any of the chapters.

I just found a recipe for Cake Batter Martinis. Yes, that is a real thing. I found it here. I kid you not. I am not going to MAKE one I just said I FOUND one. Like the recipe stated, I'm not really comfortable endorsing buying 7 bottles of booze while you're still in your pajamas. But it is an interesting recipe and of course, metaphor for my life.

Life is Sweet and delicious, fun and exciting, but always leaves me tired and with a headache. My life is one Cake Batter Martini I tell ya'.

Note to self: Blogging is not facebooking. Stop wanting to post every 20 minutes.

Stream of Thought

I feel like the tin man when he gets oiled again. Stream of thought. My favorite.

I cannot find my old blog design. It's outdated. That could actually be a metaphor for my life. My old design is outdated and I'm left with this.

Haven't been here in so long, I forgot everything I ever said. Scrolled back 2 posts and saw the best BD party I ever threw one of my kids. Good memory.

Going into isolation when we move. I predict it lasts all of 2 weeks before I get myself into even more trouble.

Since I last blogged regularly, I have finally embraced FB and become a regular there. Being back makes me feel like a husband that cheated and returned home. Except I am still keeping my mistress on the side. FB has such nice curves...

I am not the same woman that left this blog. Don't expect her back. Sorry if I disappoint you in my current, less than conservative nature.

I am ready to put together all the pieces of the book and am pretty darned excited.

I pray love and peace to each one of you, the saving knowledge of Christ if needed and mostly, do yourself a favor and laugh your arse off before you hit the sheets tonight. It'll be worth it.

Will it stick?

Not sure if I can make the blog stick again. I just can't seem to FEEl it anymore. But I want to blog again and try to center myself back on the life I want to live with the kids. Life without all the external stuff that got in the way the last few years. Yes, years. So, that leaves me totally stripped, drained, empty, broken, and a whole different kind of older. I hear this is when God works best. Oy. He should have a pretty serious game plan because generally, I have a whole bunch of crazy to recover from.

P.S. Told you I would Am. Now go keep an eye on Magalish. ;) Can you tell me how I feel sunburnt when we were in the shade all day? I wonder if this is going to be too weird now that I'm a fbookie.