Doug said I stink!

Well, I couldn't resist that one.

I guess if I had to be TOTALLY honest, he didn't EXACTLY call me stinky.

He didn't come-right-out-and -say STEPH, BEAT IT to Celebrate Recovery because You are some kind of stinky!

Lol but as the world grew strangely dim around me and then Kay somehow got me after church and talked so intimately about CR that I suspected she was a plant...that I knew it.was.for.me.

(I got that period thing from Lisa T., works strangely enough)

I fell into the category of risen Lazerus with stinky grave clothes on.

Can I stop saying stinky now because you know what? In REAL life I don't ACTUALLY stink and it is making me somewhat uncomfortable to continue using that word. Somewhat like Tif's favorite word. Lol

SO shock value over, the truth is that I come out of church and say to Jeff... "Ok, confession time. What did you think of the sermon? You are the one I trust so I confess X,Y,Z....were you just pointing your finger at me the whole time???"

an HE goes:

"YOU? I was thinking it was me the whole time. I've got my own issues!"

We both laughed as we realized we both were thinking the same thing and feeling somewhat embarassed that the spotlight was on ourselves when likely everyone in the room was in some way, shape or form, if they were being honest, that person.

I am not sure what CR has that church and regular bible study doesn't. And I am also not comfortable AT ALL talking about myself in front of others in such an intimate way which is likely why I don't go. I don't think for me that confessing every little sin to a group of people is my idea of freedom. God's idea you say?

Hmmm, not sure. BUt my point is that I did confess the thing and I felt a bit better though I am not sure Jeff really COUNTS. Lol But I may give CR a try still.

I think I keep waiting for Marcia to get home. I don't know, I think I have as this picture in my mind as a spiritual mentor of sorts. And I don't know her at all so I could have that totally wrong.

So, thanks for the compliment Doug. I skulked out of there aware of my grave clothes more than ever but wanting to shed them ever so much more.

I confess I cannot pray the "Whatever it takes" prayer as I am so terrified of what that may mean! I mean, what if means something really HUGE and scary??

Yeah, big bad Steph afraid of God. YOU GOT THAT RIGHT!

I am old testament girl! LOL I KNOW what the wrath of God is like!

No I'm kidding, if we really knew, we wouldn't dare fall into sin...would we? I don't know Adam and Eve walked with the Lord and still did.

Maybe the new covenant God is about grace and mercy and letting His life flow through yours in an outpouring of living sacrifice?

Sigh. I'll likely never get it right. But it won't be for a lack of trying.

I love the idea of we do the grunt word and let Him do the God work. We just step out in faith and do the real stuff that we can do (pray, confess, go to CR, have FAITH!) and then let the miracles occur. That was comforting and then some. Even later at home, when I was feeling very unstable with Kate sick...scared...the world is so big and scary and what if what if what if...and then Doug's words came back to me...just step out what I know to be true Steph...

Pray, give it God, stop worrying about what may happen over the next week to work if your child's sick...just do God first, Family Second, Church third and the rest will fall into place because your Big Daddy promises to deliver! Can I get an AMEN? or a woohoo is fine too. Lol

Loved the sermon guys, that's my point. And....maybe it's true that Doug didn't really say I was a risen-from-the-grave stinko, but I DO know that the teaching seemed to single ME right out!!! :)