Yes, that's right. That is what I said.
Bone Marrow Popsicles.
This is what my life has come to. And the scary thing about it is, I am REALLY excited about it. I think "Bone Marrow Popsicles" will be the title of my NEWEST never-to-be-completed book. It sums up the entire 180 reformation of health in three simple words, doesn't it? There is just no doubt left about your commitment when you hear the words bone marrow popsicles.
BMP's which I will now affectionately call them, are healthy popsicles made with, you guessed it, bone marrow. They shine that up by calling it "gelatin" but we all know what "gelatin" is by now and when they put the word "grassfed" before gelatin- well then the gig is officially up.
In other words, grassfed gelatin = bone marrow.
BMP's will now also be the poster child acronym for all the over-the-top health items that will grace this year long journey. A couple that have intrigued me are "cure your own dental issues naturally", definitely a BMP. And "make your own deodorant", another BMP. One of my favorites though, the best BMP of all time is THIS one though. For this I cannot wait. Implented in December of 2013!
BMP's are those whacky and wonderful things in a health journey that push you from "Good for you!" support to over the edge and into the pool of eyerolling and judgment. Yep, I am embracing my BMP's...and I imagine the actual Bone Marrow Popsicles will making a debut here soon enough as well. But I'm not shining mine up, no siree. Ours will be called "Bone Marrow Popsicles". Who knows, maybe they'll last a litle longer around this joint.
All this icecream talk reminded me of my favorite ice cream man video by Kohl's.Soooo funny.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Sunday, December 30, 2012
I Don't Want to Die Without Scars
I was speaking with a friend the other day about scars (literal and figurative) and it prompted me to look ups some quotes about them...
“I don't want to die without any scars.” ― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club
Isn't this the truth? Do you really want to go through life UNSCATHED? Because that means you would have learned nothing. We absolutely cannot learn a thing without it leaving a scar of some kind. I don't want to die without scars!
The marks humans leave are too often scars.” ― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
WOW. How great is this? Let our own painful scars be strong reminders of why we should be careful not to leave them on others.
“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” ― Kahlil Gibran
The most massive characters are seared with scars...powerful. Shouldn't we all want our characters to be massive? (Character, not ego) Yes! Scars alone do this. The strongest souls...the most massive of characters....forged by scars.
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi
Stunning. Where we are our most vulnerable, is where God does his best work. His Light enters in to the place we are deepest cut....if we allow it. (Likely not what 'Rumi" meant here but we can apply Truth to it nonetheless)
These quotes helped me embrace not just the scars left from pain endured but the process of pain as new scars are being formed. Building massive character, reminding me to be kind to others, allowing God to do His best work...I won't focus on the scars themselves, but instead on what they are doing for me now and in the future!
“I don't want to die without any scars.” ― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club
Isn't this the truth? Do you really want to go through life UNSCATHED? Because that means you would have learned nothing. We absolutely cannot learn a thing without it leaving a scar of some kind. I don't want to die without scars!
The marks humans leave are too often scars.” ― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
WOW. How great is this? Let our own painful scars be strong reminders of why we should be careful not to leave them on others.
“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” ― Kahlil Gibran
The most massive characters are seared with scars...powerful. Shouldn't we all want our characters to be massive? (Character, not ego) Yes! Scars alone do this. The strongest souls...the most massive of characters....forged by scars.
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi
Stunning. Where we are our most vulnerable, is where God does his best work. His Light enters in to the place we are deepest cut....if we allow it. (Likely not what 'Rumi" meant here but we can apply Truth to it nonetheless)
These quotes helped me embrace not just the scars left from pain endured but the process of pain as new scars are being formed. Building massive character, reminding me to be kind to others, allowing God to do His best work...I won't focus on the scars themselves, but instead on what they are doing for me now and in the future!
Saturday, December 29, 2012
The Love Matrix
Sounds like a good title for book, eh? Oh all the unfinished books in my life...
Today an old friend stopped by as she was in town for a few days. She moved away over 6 months ago and though we rarely got together when she lived here, we had grown quite a relationship via Facebook. So it was natural to want to see each other when she came into town for the holidays.
As love would have it, she has in her care, a young family member from a distant relation and she is going through many, if not all, of the same types of issues we went through in our own dependency process with our own adopted daughter and her baby sister.
And while my friend visits....
.....I begin to recognize the matrix.
I note through our conversation, that he probably has many attachment issues, that she and I have many similar feelings toward these kids from the hard place that are in our care and that their hearts are as painfully pressed in as mine. As I explain how we have to open up new channels for love to flow...and her eyes brim with tears of understanding...
....I again recognize the matrix.
We talk and talk and her husband sits quietly looking off and occasionally speaks and it is glory to my ears. For I too, am familiar with husbands that are quiet. But when they do speak, you see their interest, their intellect, their caring. The DO care. And I feel good when she says, "You ready to go, hon?" And he shrugs it off as if saying, "No, I'm good here...with this."
....and I sense the matrix overtaking me.
The love matrix, as I am coming to call it is an intricate design of the most finely woven web...so incredibly delicate...so heartbreakingly beautiful but so often broken, destroyed, left in tatters...only to be rebuilt again and again and again and again....sometimes daily, despite the pain of it. Despite the agony of it, despite the beauty of the old one.
The web is being rebuilt when I recognize that this hour visit, that I thought woudl be spent talking crafting and new digs, was replaced with an accompanying husband and a serious discussion about dependency and attachment disorder...and pain.
The web is spinning and spinning, faster and faster as I sit there...she doesn't know, he doesn't know...that this new web of love is spinning...and that my feet and hands are beginning to stick again, to this new web.
And it hurts.
The love matrix is filled with tears and bitterness and so. much. pain.
And a sometimes staggering, instant recognition that you are "supposed to be here"..."supposed to be going through this".
It hurts because the matrix overtakes you in the new spinning....it hurts as it demands the total shedding of the old web...and the new web is already capturing others as it is being spun- before you are healed from the pain of your old web being destroyed.
The love matrix MUST be constantly destroyed and rebuilt as it is meant to capture new and different people, experiencing new and different circumstances of their own, causing new ones of your own as well and often causing their own web to capture YOU for help and sustenance, and vice versa. It's complicated. What can I say? It's a Matrix.
The love matrix COMPELS you to let go of the stickiness that binds your feet and hands...and heart to the old web..and you have to let go of the ones you love....and the ideas you love...and the plans you love... and for awhile, you tumble along into the abyss until a new thread catches and the web begins to be spun again, catching new glimmers of sparkling love-light. Like the kind I glimpsed this afternoon.
Good, easy, love is fun, exciting and glorious.
Deeper love channels flow with rivers of pain and tears.
It isn't fun. It isn't easy, this new way to love...this deeper channeling that love requires you to excavate in your heart. There is no anesthetic, no reprieve, no relief. And yet, there is this deep, deep knowing that regardless of how you feel, you are going to have to let this new thread catch and this new web spin, or you may just keep tumbling downward.
Catch and spin...catch and spin...catch and spin....oh the awful but refining power of the webs of the Love Matrix. May we continue to let go, fall and be caught....by new beautiful webs of love.
Today an old friend stopped by as she was in town for a few days. She moved away over 6 months ago and though we rarely got together when she lived here, we had grown quite a relationship via Facebook. So it was natural to want to see each other when she came into town for the holidays.
As love would have it, she has in her care, a young family member from a distant relation and she is going through many, if not all, of the same types of issues we went through in our own dependency process with our own adopted daughter and her baby sister.
And while my friend visits....
.....I begin to recognize the matrix.
I note through our conversation, that he probably has many attachment issues, that she and I have many similar feelings toward these kids from the hard place that are in our care and that their hearts are as painfully pressed in as mine. As I explain how we have to open up new channels for love to flow...and her eyes brim with tears of understanding...
....I again recognize the matrix.
We talk and talk and her husband sits quietly looking off and occasionally speaks and it is glory to my ears. For I too, am familiar with husbands that are quiet. But when they do speak, you see their interest, their intellect, their caring. The DO care. And I feel good when she says, "You ready to go, hon?" And he shrugs it off as if saying, "No, I'm good here...with this."
....and I sense the matrix overtaking me.
The love matrix, as I am coming to call it is an intricate design of the most finely woven web...so incredibly delicate...so heartbreakingly beautiful but so often broken, destroyed, left in tatters...only to be rebuilt again and again and again and again....sometimes daily, despite the pain of it. Despite the agony of it, despite the beauty of the old one.
The web is being rebuilt when I recognize that this hour visit, that I thought woudl be spent talking crafting and new digs, was replaced with an accompanying husband and a serious discussion about dependency and attachment disorder...and pain.
The web is spinning and spinning, faster and faster as I sit there...she doesn't know, he doesn't know...that this new web of love is spinning...and that my feet and hands are beginning to stick again, to this new web.
And it hurts.
The love matrix is filled with tears and bitterness and so. much. pain.
And a sometimes staggering, instant recognition that you are "supposed to be here"..."supposed to be going through this".
It hurts because the matrix overtakes you in the new spinning....it hurts as it demands the total shedding of the old web...and the new web is already capturing others as it is being spun- before you are healed from the pain of your old web being destroyed.
The love matrix MUST be constantly destroyed and rebuilt as it is meant to capture new and different people, experiencing new and different circumstances of their own, causing new ones of your own as well and often causing their own web to capture YOU for help and sustenance, and vice versa. It's complicated. What can I say? It's a Matrix.
The love matrix COMPELS you to let go of the stickiness that binds your feet and hands...and heart to the old web..and you have to let go of the ones you love....and the ideas you love...and the plans you love... and for awhile, you tumble along into the abyss until a new thread catches and the web begins to be spun again, catching new glimmers of sparkling love-light. Like the kind I glimpsed this afternoon.
Good, easy, love is fun, exciting and glorious.
Deeper love channels flow with rivers of pain and tears.
It isn't fun. It isn't easy, this new way to love...this deeper channeling that love requires you to excavate in your heart. There is no anesthetic, no reprieve, no relief. And yet, there is this deep, deep knowing that regardless of how you feel, you are going to have to let this new thread catch and this new web spin, or you may just keep tumbling downward.
Catch and spin...catch and spin...catch and spin....oh the awful but refining power of the webs of the Love Matrix. May we continue to let go, fall and be caught....by new beautiful webs of love.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Catching Up!
It's hard to believe that it has been a couple of years since I have blogged. I guess we have had a few things going on. How can one catch up a blog from a two year hiatus?
Where has my writing been hiding? Oh that's right.
Thanks Facebook, for helping us exercise our right to say even more about nothing.
Hey don't judge me. I love Facebook. As one of my friends once said, it is instant blogging. Come to find out, not so much. Eh. What can I say.
Let's see. So how to catch up? Why don't we just rip the bandaid off so we can get right back to it.
Ready?
One: We have been through the financial RINGER (for some reason I feel the need to say that like "RingAH") and are recovering. I stand by the fact that as longstanding private investors of real estate, we got off EASY compared to some of our counterparts.
Two: We started an adoption process with a little girl named Kylee on October 18th, 2010 and went through what could only be called the most-surreal two years of our lives. She just finalized here a little bit ago after this two year process which included sheltering her baby sister. Her baby sister was with us from birth to just recently (over a year) and was returned to her bio mom. LONG story.Try to imagine what pain that was and just insert it here in some magical way.
Here is our 5th daughter Kylee Josephine Clunn (we kept her first and middle name given at birth after much thought) I love this picture of her. She looks content, does she not?
Here is my favorite one of Kylee and her sister Carah who is no longer with us. Yes, it still hurts. A lot.
Three: No, we have not moved yet but yes, the house is in fact still sitting over there. I think. Pretty sure. Mmmm, maybe not. It must be!
Four: We acquired our local territory of the National franchise called Macaroni Kid. We have the North Lake edition. It has kept me in publishing from the retirement of Lake Family Magazine.
Now that wasn't so hard, was it? 1-2-3 (4) and we're back! Well, as you and I both know, there is a WORLD of story behind each one of these bandaids. I went through them all without writing about it and that makes me a little sad... I tried and I tried to write through them- but I just couldn't do it for some reason. For the first time, I feel like I might be able to write again.
Emphasis on might.
So you'll just have to trust me on the last couple of years. ;)
However, I will say that the past events of my life since the last time I have blogged plus the current events in the nation have given me my new theme for the year.
I proclaim this my Year of Love.
Pain has opened my heart in a new way. The way I have been feeling about love lately has been difficult to express. It was nearly unexplainable. But then, Corrie showed up:
“Do you know what hurts so very much? It's love. Love is the strongest force in the world, and when it is blocked that means pain. There are two things we can do when this happens. We can kill that love so that it stops hurting. But then of course part of us dies, too. Or we can ask God to open up another route for that love to travel.” ~Corrie ten Boom, The Hiding Place
I could not actually believe this when it came across my newsfeed on (well yes, it was Facebook) It explained how I felt exactly. You can choose to let pain grow your heart and your capacity to love- or you can kill it, as Corrie says, so that it stops hurting. Sometimes I wonder if I really had a choice or if my union with Christ demanded it...all I know is that it is the only thing that kept me alive over what could be called, if I may be so bold, the hardest time in my life thus far. (Um, disclaimer: I do not need more testing on this)
Love. Keeping me alive since 1968. Whatever happens in this new year, I hereby officially proclaim 2013.... my Year of Love.
Where has my writing been hiding? Oh that's right.
Thanks Facebook, for helping us exercise our right to say even more about nothing.
Hey don't judge me. I love Facebook. As one of my friends once said, it is instant blogging. Come to find out, not so much. Eh. What can I say.
Let's see. So how to catch up? Why don't we just rip the bandaid off so we can get right back to it.
Ready?
One: We have been through the financial RINGER (for some reason I feel the need to say that like "RingAH") and are recovering. I stand by the fact that as longstanding private investors of real estate, we got off EASY compared to some of our counterparts.
Two: We started an adoption process with a little girl named Kylee on October 18th, 2010 and went through what could only be called the most-surreal two years of our lives. She just finalized here a little bit ago after this two year process which included sheltering her baby sister. Her baby sister was with us from birth to just recently (over a year) and was returned to her bio mom. LONG story.Try to imagine what pain that was and just insert it here in some magical way.
Here is our 5th daughter Kylee Josephine Clunn (we kept her first and middle name given at birth after much thought) I love this picture of her. She looks content, does she not?
Here is my favorite one of Kylee and her sister Carah who is no longer with us. Yes, it still hurts. A lot.
Four: We acquired our local territory of the National franchise called Macaroni Kid. We have the North Lake edition. It has kept me in publishing from the retirement of Lake Family Magazine.
Now that wasn't so hard, was it? 1-2-3 (4) and we're back! Well, as you and I both know, there is a WORLD of story behind each one of these bandaids. I went through them all without writing about it and that makes me a little sad... I tried and I tried to write through them- but I just couldn't do it for some reason. For the first time, I feel like I might be able to write again.
Emphasis on might.
So you'll just have to trust me on the last couple of years. ;)
However, I will say that the past events of my life since the last time I have blogged plus the current events in the nation have given me my new theme for the year.
I proclaim this my Year of Love.
Pain has opened my heart in a new way. The way I have been feeling about love lately has been difficult to express. It was nearly unexplainable. But then, Corrie showed up:
“Do you know what hurts so very much? It's love. Love is the strongest force in the world, and when it is blocked that means pain. There are two things we can do when this happens. We can kill that love so that it stops hurting. But then of course part of us dies, too. Or we can ask God to open up another route for that love to travel.” ~Corrie ten Boom, The Hiding Place
I could not actually believe this when it came across my newsfeed on (well yes, it was Facebook) It explained how I felt exactly. You can choose to let pain grow your heart and your capacity to love- or you can kill it, as Corrie says, so that it stops hurting. Sometimes I wonder if I really had a choice or if my union with Christ demanded it...all I know is that it is the only thing that kept me alive over what could be called, if I may be so bold, the hardest time in my life thus far. (Um, disclaimer: I do not need more testing on this)
Love. Keeping me alive since 1968. Whatever happens in this new year, I hereby officially proclaim 2013.... my Year of Love.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Stream of Thought
I really need to get my camera together so I will stop taking pictures with my phone.
They never make it to my computer from my phone so it doesn't make much sense.
It is taking me FOREVER to get into a real homeschool groove. Man, this is HARD. I don't remember it being this hard.
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